Blogorium Review: The Campaign

 Now that we've come to the end of the 2012 election cycle, it's as good a time as any to look back at The Campaign, a mostly funny, sometimes amusing, but ultimately toothless critique of our current political system. Don't get me wrong about whether The Campaign is funny: you will laugh, and at times loudly, but it aspires to be more than that, and I'm not convinced it succeeds.

  Democratic Congressman Cam Brady (Will Ferrell) is preparing to run for his fifth (unopposed) term for North Carolina's (nonexistent) 14th District when the Motch brothers (John Lithgow and Dan Aykroyd) decide they need someone to run against him. The Motch brothers want to in-source Chinese labor for sweatshops in NC, so they turn to the man-child son of Raymond Huggins (Brian Cox), Marty (Zach Galifianakis). Marty runs the tourism center in the small town Brady's 14th District represents* and is, at best, as clueless as he is spineless - in other words, the perfect puppet for the Motch brothers.

   From here on out I think you can figure out what happens as the two candidates clash and the dirt stars flying. If you're familiar with any of Ferrell's post-Anchorman films, you have a strong idea of the filthy jokes and strong language to come, juxtaposed with Galifiankis' awkward phrasing and effete Southern accent (in fact, he's basically playing his fictional brother Seth Galifianakis). The Campaign brings together both styles and the middle of the movie is basically a game of one-upsmanship, and is fitfully amusing. I probably don't need to explain why Huggins' nickname in school was "tickleshits," but if that made you chuckle even slightly, I suspect you'll laugh during the film. You've probably seen the part of the trailer when Cam Brady punches a baby, which you'd think director Jay Roach (Austin Powers) would merely suggest, but no - we get a full on, Neo-punching-Agent-Smith, slow motion baby punch shot. And yes, perhaps shamefully, the Cap'n laughed.

 In truth, while I enjoyed both Galifianakis and Ferrell - who is playing more John Edwards than George W. -  The Campaign's best roles go to Huggins and Brady's campaign managers, played by Dylan McDermott and Jason Sudeikis.While Sudeikis, as Mitch, is mostly reacting to Brady systematically dismantling his own election, McDermott rolls in like a tornado and reorganizes every aspect of Huggins life to make him more palatable for voters, down to the dogs he owns. While the familiarity of The Campaign's leads provide appropriate schtick, the supporting roles make more of a lasting impression.

 As to the thinly disguised Koch brother surrogates or the even less veiled political commentary about money corrupting elections to further corporate agendas, well, it's there. Roach and screenwriters Chris Henchy and Shawn Harwell never seem to figure out what to do with the "message" of the film, and the ending is basically a mea culpa, a watered down Mr. Smith Goes to Washington moral stand that sends the film out with a whimper. I don't really know that The Campaign needed to explicitly state its message beyond lampooning how ridiculous the current political system is, but it did. The result is a comedy that's fitfully amusing most of the time but that overreaches as it winds down, probably not to its benefit.

 Since the election's done and hopefully most of the vitriol will have faded from your memory by the time you see The Campaign, it might be a little more palatable, and the film would make for a fine rental if you're looking for a comedy where you know basically what to expect. You'll get that, as long as you don't mind a small lecture near the end. There are plenty of dirty jokes along the way, so that has to count for something, right?




* According to IMDB, The Campaign was filmed in New Orleans, so it's hard to say which North Carolina town it's supposed to be subbing for. Since most of the film's audience doesn't live in the state, it doesn't matter, but the Cap'n - and for that matter, Galifianakis - are a little more familiar with the location, so I thought I'd check.

It's Never too Early to Talk About Summerfest

Some factoids about The ______ Summerfest Massacre 4:

- The Cap'n does not yet have a location to the fourth Summerfest, the home for all horror films obscure and ridiculous. Make the case for your location (preferably within driving distance for the Cap'n) and maybe I'll host it at YOUR place*!

- As it doesn't have a location, Summerfest 4 doesn't have a name yet (it was previously and may again be The Greensboro Summerfest Massacre). I also haven't honed in on a quality "sequel" name for it - Summerfest was in keeping with the Texas Chain Saw Massacre series, but that would mean this year's would be "The Next Generation," which is not only totally inappropriate but also points towards a terrible entry into the series.

I am open to suggestions for "part four" monikers, except for "In Space" because I'm saving that for Horror Fest X. The title will have an effect on the "theme" of Summerfest, so choose wisely. It doesn't have to come from a "part four" of any series (for example: Bloodlines, The Return of Michael Myers, The Dream Master, Mega Shark vs. Testicular Torsion, etc.) Actually, Cap'n Howdy vs. Giant Octopus might be a good one. We'll put up a poll of the best suggestions.

- While planning is still in the preliminary stages, I have decided on at least two "theme" nights - Blaxploitation Night and Star Trek Night.
Blaxploitation Night will include Blacula, Blackenstein, Dr. Black and Mr. Hyde, the return of Scream, Blacula, Scream, as well as any other Blaxploitation horror films the Cap'n or readers can find.

Star Trek Night is a special evening of horror or horror-related films starring former cast members of the original series. They include: Kingdom of the Spiders (William Shatner), Invasion of the Body Snatchers '78 (Leonard Nimoy), Night of the Lepus (DeForrest Kelley), and Moontrap (Walter Koenig). If you can find suitable films with James Doohan, Nichelle Nichols, or George Takei, let me know.

- I am taking suggestions for all other possible Summerfest films, but reserve the right to hold out information on any possible "Trappenings" until the night we view them. If Sharktopus is sufficiently un-crappy, I may consider its inclusion into the Fest.

The Cap'n is really looking forward to this Summerfest; coming off of a very successful Horror Fest V, I'm going to carry on the momentum and provide NC with the best possible marathons of madness, horror, and oddball cult films possible. Like Horror Fest IV, I'm going to try to include readers in on the action surrounding the films, and then plan to catch you off guard with the bizarre and arcane choices.

Be Afraid... Be VERY Afraid...




* The Cap'n tries, whenever possible, to provide snackage, beverages, the films, and transportation for attendees, so don't feel there's a responsibility on your part to cover all the bases, or even any.

For the Benefit of All of Us.

Okay, my Snickerdoodles, the Cap'n has to watch something new this weekend. It's non-negotiable. I have entirely too many new movies here at Blogorium Central that I haven't seen yet, and not enough time to watch them all, so I'm putting the decision making in your hands.

To your right, you'll see a new Poll, with four movies on it. Four movies I've mentioned repeatedly but have not yet seen:

A Serious Man

Bronson

The House of the Devil

Black Dynamite

You have until Saturday morning, and on Saturday night I'll watch the winner and give it the first honest to goodness Blogorium Review there's been since the 14th of January. For real this time. I'm entirely too far behind, and before I get to The Brothers Bloom, The Hurt Locker, Universal Soldier: Regeneration, or the dozen other "to watch" movies in my pile, I want to get one of those four "must see"'s out of the way. They're all roughly the same length, I'm really looking forward to seeing all of them, so help me out here. What do you want me to review first?

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Not to sweeten the pot in any way, but the sooner I've seen The House of the Devil, the sooner I'll feel kosher about giving away a copy of the film on DVD as part of a yet-determined contest. And by that I mean I don't know what the contest will be so I can't give you details. Since many of you don't like doing stuff, it'll probably involve writing something. There hasn't been a "so you won't have to" in a while, so keep that in mind...

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Bad Movie Night just keeps growing contenders, gang; in addition to Bionic Ninja (jump a few Trailer Sunday's back and watch "Rage of the Ninja"), I'm eye-ing Deadfall, Evil Roy Slade, Wrong Side of Town, Basket Case 3, and if we're lucky enough for a quick home video turnaround, The Wolf Man. Currently the consensus on The Wolf Man is one vote "don't see it" and one vote "it rules." Guess which one of them drinks Budweiser with Clamato?

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I'd be remiss if I didn't link to this fantastic article in Esquire about Roger Ebert. If you haven't kept up with what's been happening, it could be quite a shock, but the story is so good that keep on past the opening photo. To follow it up, please read Ebert's piece on the profile. Fantastic stuff.

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Okay, I'm off to bed. Schoolwork awaits at all times, and the sooner I go to sleep, the sooner I can continue the Sisyphusian struggle to graduate in three months...

USA Up All Night Marathon Also a Consideration!

The Cap'n needs your assistance, dear readers. You see, I'd really like to have one more movie marathon before school devours every moment of my free time and the Blogorium becomes a weekly referendum on the films of Joel and Ethan Coen (which is so much more likely than you'd even imagine). The problem is, I don't know what kind of movie night to have.

Normal marathons around here are themed, and for anyone who's arrived here for the first time, they go thusly:

April - Bad Movie Night(s), which occurs in the vicinity of the Cap'n's birthday. The so-bad-they're-good movies are hand selected by the Cap'n, and gifts are made of comparable quality to you, the attendee.

July - Summer Fest, which is a celebration of Horror Comedies. The atmosphere is based on a more participatory relationship to the horror films, and the quality bar is set much lower.

October - Horror Fest, the grandaddy of them all. Horror Fest is a showcase of the good, the bad, and the obscure of horror films which run from dusk til dawn.

More ambiguous about timing - Doctor Who Night, MST3K Night, Exploitation-o-Rama Double Features.

The catch is that I don't really want to do any of those in January. I'd like to try something different, like a "Best of 2009" weekend or something of that nature. On the other hand, I don't want to sacrifice the atmosphere of fun associated with other "theme" nights, and the phrase "best" is often subjective and connotes lofty expectations. So not quite what I'm looking for, you dig?

Therefore, I'd like to turn it over to you folks. What would bring you over to the Apartment That Dripped Blood for an evening that you wouldn't already show up for? What films would you like to see the Cap'n show for an audience unprepared for the experience. Okay, other than Teenage Mother (again).

Would VHS night be up your alley? A collection of films not available on DVD or fancy schmancy Blu-Ray? Believe it or not, they're out there. I have a few, and not just Terrorvision. Hankering for Italian Revenge Films, or Japanese Film Noir? Famous Oscar losers? Unnecessary Sequels? What about Bollywood versions of American films? I'm game, because I'd like to do something that would be fun for you folks and is outside of the normal realm of the Cap'n.

So give me some options in the comments section, and I'll put together a poll to vote on. The best suggestion will become a new "theme" night on the last weekend of January. For sure.


* one caveat: I'd really rather not do "Porn Parodies of Famous Films". Porn marathons NEVER end well.

Looking Forward So That I May Better Look Back

The semester is winding down to a close, and over the next few days I'm actually going to be very busy getting things together for graduate school applications (for long, and honestly stupid, reasons on my part, I won't be going to Chicago for my masters. While I'm about as happy with this as I am with the GRE scores, it is what it is.). However, once all of that business is done, I reckon I'll have the better part of this week to devote to movies before the holidays hit, so I'd like to ask you folks for some input.

It doesn't matter who you are, if you read this blog and there's something you think I should see before the year is out, I want you to leave me a comment. It could be from 2009 or it could be any other movie. I always do a year-end recap, so if there's something I haven't covered that you think I'd like, please let me know.

Right now, I still have the following to catch before the end of the year: Public Enemies, Up, Inglorious Basterds, District 9, The Hangover, World's Greatest Dad, Duplicity, Adventureland, Sunshine Cleaning, (500) Days of Summer, The Taking of Pelham 123, Monsters vs Aliens, and The Brothers Bloom.

That's what I can think of that I'd like to see before 2009 ends. Surely I'm missing something and this is where you come in. The Cap'n doesn't pretend to be a complete cinephile, and I simply can't keep up with everything. Should I look into New York, I Love You? Is a trip in order to catch A Serious Man or Antichrist? You tell me. I want to know.

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As it is, allow me to present a brief list of movies I saw not from 2009 that would make their respective year's "Best of" List:

My Own Private Idaho - I have no idea why I never got around to watching Gus Van Sant's early defining film (long before Good Will Hunting, Psycho, or Milk), but I'm glad I finally did this year. From beginning to end, top to bottom, an excellent film, with an inspired visual style and clever use of William Shakespeare's Henry IV. My only regret is that I hadn't seen this during prior arguments where I'd periodically defend Keanu Reeves, and the death of River Phoenix was a serious loss for film.

The Hit - This film by Stephen Frears (The Grifters, High Fidelity, The Queen) actually made me rescind all the awful things I said about Terence Stamp in The Haunted Mansion - for a little while. It's a crime movie where much of the film is the anticipation of an actual "hit": in this case, of Mobster turned informant Willie Parker (Stamp). After going into hiding in Spain, Willie is found and captured by a hitman (John Hurt) and his driver (a very young Tim Roth), along with an unfortunate visitor (Laura del Sol). Frears plays these characters off of each other in ways you wouldn't expect, but Stamp anchors the film with the steely resolve of a man at peace with his mortality. I'd never heard of The Hit before this spring, but I'm glad I've seen it now.

The Foot Fist Way - Honestly, without The Foot Fist Way, I don't think I would have been ready for Observe and Report. As it is, Jody Hill's first film is a slice of awkwardness that kept me laughing from beginning to end, and it helped me appreciated Danny McBride's other work even more.

Martyrs - Since Martyrs technically came out in 2008, I can't really cover it in the year-end recap. While I still have quibbles about the mid-twist-torture sequence, I cannot begin to shake the final fifteen minutes from the film. The last image remains with me to this day, and to that end, however minor my issues with the movie are, it certainly belongs on this list.

Dog Soldiers - I'd seen The Descent. I'd seen Doomsday. But until this summer, I'd never watched Dog Soldiers, Neil Marshal's low budget debut film. While it's not perfect, I certainly had fun with this twist on werewolf films, and its sense of humor helped keep the budgetary limitations at bay. I don't know what Marshal is working on now, but I wouldn't be shocked to hear it started with "D".

Synechdoche, NY - The critical backlash against this film still puzzles me. I understand that it's not always fun to watch, and at times can be maddeningly esoteric (especially during the more confusing opening scenes), but once Charlie Kaufman's epic about a man realizing his life as performance really gets going, the convoluted eccentricities of the script step aside and you're left with some wonderful character work from everyone in the cast. I was very pleased to finally watch Synechdoche, NY this year, and I regret not watching it when it played in theatres, as its kind will not likely be seen again.

JCVD - A film that was not at all what I expected, but nevertheless a pleasant journey to take into self parody for Jean-Claude Van Damme. The trailers would lead you to believe that JCVD is more of a comedy, designed to embarrass Van Damme, but the truth is that it's a little more like Dog Day Afternoon meets Adaptation with the structure of Memento. While Van Damme is playing himself (or a version of himself), this is a deconstruction of the way audiences see him as an action star / has-been packed into a potboiler heist movie and punctuated with comedy. I wasn't as taken with the monologue as some seem to be (when Van Damme literally rises above the set and directly addresses the camera), but I certainly enjoyed JCVD and hoped it would mean more of its ilk for Van Damme and less Universal Soldier sequels.... sigh.

and finally:

Teenage Mother - What can I say? I can't un-watch Teenage Mother, and I saw it twice in the span of three weeks. It's an average movie with silly moments punctuated by a truly out-of-left-field five minute burst of childbirth, and then things are over. The wildly misleading trailer points you in the opposite direction of the actual story, down to including footage that's nowhere to be found in the film. Clinical footage and attempted rape aside, Teenage Mother is a pretty humdrum movie, made goofy by inexplicable story elements. It's 69 minutes I guarantee you won't forget, so it makes the list.

Boss, on the other hand, does not, for reasons apparent to anyone who saw it with the Cap'n.

Thanks?

So it's Thanksgiving, and I've just wrapped up a fine meal and am feeling pretty stuffed. Soon to be extended family is coming over soon, so we have to get ready for that, and my time is short. I'd hoped to have seen Up at this point (that was why I brought it with me), but that doesn't look like it's in the cards.

As I have a little time, I thought I might begin discussing something I hope to give considerable attention to in the next few weeks. I've been thinking a lot about the future of film theory and criticism. Much of the material we study in classes comes from the literature of the sixties and seventies, of the Cahiers du Cinema French Criticism or the Film School Movement in the U.S. (like Paul Schrader's Notes on Film Noir), with a dash of more recent work from the eighties and periodically the nineties.

In twenty years, though, the critical market it going to be flooded with mostly disregarded but nevertheless occasionally insightful work from web sites, forums, and blogs. The irony does not escape me that Cap'n Howdy's Blogorium will no doubt be one of these casualties of the critical community, but what are we to make of the democratization of film criticism.


Simply because more voices are allowed to speak at equal volume with broader reach does not necessarily negate all of them, does it? Are we to throw the baby out with the bath water for no reason better than "well, most of them have nothing to say or do it very badly"? I cannot argue with that point, because let's be honest - most of online criticism is handled with the maturity of a playground spat, but that doesn't mean all internet writing is inherently worthless.

On the other hand, I don't know how much of the work being done by people in their basements or attics or bedrooms would be welcome in institutions of higher learning, since the ivory tower perception is that "if they can't be published by someone with credentials, they have no valid point". Sometimes that's true. I'd like to think that much of what I do here, whether influenced by what I read or did not read, has merit and is insightful.

Even that it adds to the discourse about cinema, but I recognize that I have neither the authority nor the credentials to back it up. Does that mean writing a blog about film is a fool's errand? I'd certainly like to believe not, otherwise the last five years have been a waste of my time, and yours.

At any rate, I'll return to this at some other time. Happy Thanksgiving, folks. Don't get up early and go into murderous rages for the latest do-hickey or shiny thing. It's not worth it.

Digression: Digital Media re-Revisited

While preparing to hit the road, the thought occurred to me: "Why don't you throw a movie onto the iPod, just in case there's nothing to do?"

My initial reaction - which, incidentally, is why I'm writing this - was to say "Nah. Do I really need to watch another movie on my iPod? It's a bit silly, this whole digital media business."

The more I think about it, the less convinced I am that the whole "digital revolution" is really going to kill out dvds and (as some are already proclaiming) Blu-Rays. It's not an illogical position; digital media doesn't eat up physical space, you can take it anywhere on a drive of varying sizes, and they look pretty good. The problem is that it lacks tangibility.

Maybe the Cap'n is a Luddite - folks have accused me of being far worse - but even when transferring my music over to digital files, I still kept most of the cds. I bring the along from time to time, but for the most part I don't mind having the digital equivalent.

Movies, on the other hand, I'm far more inclined to carry the dvd, Blu-Ray, or occasionally VHS copy with me. Rather than saying "hey, I've got _____ movie(s) on my portable drive", I can bring one or two movies and say "look what I brought!" Sometimes, careful selection of just the right movie for just the right group of people can be more important than bringing everything over and asking them to choose.

I don't know about the rest of you, but there are innumerable hours wasted in this apartment trying to find a movie to watch. There is such a thing as "too many good options", and I'll waste the equivalent of one or two films just trying to pick the one I want to watch. Then I don't watch any of them. It's silly. It's why I'm glad Netflix has a queue limit, and why I imposed a much tighter one for myself. Otherwise, the amount of fine material would be debilitating.

That, in many ways, is how I feel about the "hard drive full of movies" that digital media represents. Try getting a room full of people to decide on one movie and see how long it takes, particularly if the options increase dramatically. Sometimes it's a good thing to just bring one along with you, to pop open the case, and let the disc do its magic.

Other, minor, quibbles like the lack of extra material or compatibility issues with certain players also hampers the experience, but I think my big reason for choosing the disc format over the intangible format is simply that I like holding dvds, like I like holding books. Perhaps one day the Cap'n will come around to seeing things like you "normals", but in the meantime I'll stick with my shelves of flicks, even if it is hard to narrow down that "perfect" movie.

The Winnahs!

On Saturday Night, we'll be watching the following films:

Black Sheep

Blood Car

Hillbillys in a Haunted House

Night of the Lepus

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon

Terrorvision

There were... a lot more votes than I was expecting. It looks like a fair chunk of you REALLY don't want to watch Hillbillys in a Haunted House again, so I'll promise you that it has the Matinee slot. Accordingly, I will try to find places for Slither, Drag Me to Hell, and Teeth elsewhere in the fest.

I Swear to You This is the Last Time I'll Talk About Voting.

Hey gang. We're down to the final, this-time-I-promise-no-more-voting round to voting. They're all going up late tonight when I get back into Greensboro, but here's what you have to narrow down from twelve to six:

Black Sheep
Blood Car
Chopping Mall
Drag Me to Hell
Dead Alive
Friday the 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter
Hillbillys in a Haunted House
Night of the Lepus
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon
Slither
Teeth
Terrorvision

I tried to make the match-ups fair, so all you have to decide is "which of these movies is going to be more fun with the other movies I [meaning you] chose?" Truthfully, any combination of them would be a hell of a fun night, and I may have my own personal preferences, but it's up to you. You'll have until Monday afternoon to decide, but please take all of your choices into consideration with each other. Animals gone amok? Zombies of different shapes and sizes? Demonic possession? Generally fucked up movies that scrape 80 minutes?

On Saturday, starting at 6pm, I will take the selections and put them in the order that makes the most sense for a great night. If some non-winners have high votes, I may institute a "matinee" showing of one or two of them. And of course, there's always a chance you'll see runners up elsewhere in the fest. Vote prudently.

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I was surprised at just how well The Wrestler lent itself to being recut as a Grindhouse slasher-palooza. See for yourself:



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Based on a very special request by Dr. Adam Bomb, I am willing to consider Basket Case as a candidate for Horror Fest. It's all a matter of where it fits in best.

Never Seen's, Double Features, and the Living Bread...

As you may have noticed, I put up the rest of the polls at once, to speed this along. We have a week left, and after you're done voting we have to narrow those 12 down to 6 movies for Saturday. It's going to get hard. Like, really hard. Just wait until you have to choose between Slither and Black Sheep, or Blood Car and Terrorvision...

Okay, I'm only going to do that if I feel mean. But seriously, we're at the point where very few selections are weak ones, so you've got a big week ahead. Look for the first two match ups this Trailer Sunday.

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This is probably shameful, but the Cap'n has never seen the Frank Langella version of Dracula. Sure, I've read about it, and I know what it is, but I've never seen it. I'm not even sure that I'd recognize the trailer for it if I saw that.

I guess that I just assumed it wasn't that great since you only occasionally hear about the film, but lately people have been speaking fondly about it, so now I'm kinda curious. It wasn't terribly expensive, so I picked a copy up, and if time permits, it'll be the third Spooky Doom entry (following The House that Dripped Blood and the forthcoming Slaughter of the Vampires).

I also picked up (inexplicably, I must admit) two of the Elvira's Movie Macabre double features tonight. The first has Count Dracula's Great Love and Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks, and the other features Legacy of Blood and The Devil's Wedding Night. If I'm reading the backs correctly, you can watch the movies with or without the Elvira host segments. It's not quite USA Up All Night, but it might suffice down the line...

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Finally, I was a little bored in the office and cooked these up. The first one is my favorite, and reminds me that I should put that short film up for you enjoyment...


And here it is: The original Night of the Living Bread

Thanks to everybody who keeps coming in and voting. In order to speed up the process, I think once we hit four of five votes (the max seems to be six), I'll go ahead and put up the next poll. This time wasn't even a question: Teeth chewed up Michael Myers and spit him back out. We'll see how it fares when voting gets really tough.

Look for the new poll to be up by midnight tonight. I'll be pitting two horror icons head to head again, and this time you decide who wins!

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In case anyone missed it, Cranpire is offering an alternative to his Saw VI coup: Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant. Something tells me he has a problem with watching Zombieland again.

Not to jump on the Cranpire or anything, but wasn't much of our early moviegoing experience based on watching movies we enjoyed over and over again? Even theatrically, I'm pretty sure we went back to the well more than once. Personally speaking, I saw at least two movies last year more than once, and... uh, well one of them was The Dark Knight.

I suppose this is neither here nor there. Cranpire put his counter-proposal on the table, so I'm sharing it with you folks. The Vampire's Assistant does have John C. Reilly, but I'm still leaning towards Zombieland, despite so many people already having seen it.

Personally speaking, I'm surprised a sales pitch for Paranormal Activity hasn't made its way into the comments. To be honest, I'm sticking to my guns with Z-land, so if you want to have your own Horror Fest on Thursday, options are available.

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alternate artwork for Ghoulface Killah:

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Finally, I found this funny. I don't really know why, because it feels like something you'd see on Family Guy, but it works on some level.

Now Hear This!

I have been instructed by Cranpire to let all of you know that instead of watching Zombieland with the Cap'n for Horror Fest, you should instead join him and watch Saw VI on Thursday night. I call this Bore-Or-Fest, but he's convinced that three of you will peel off from the main group and join him, even though I've repeatedly told him that most of you a) don't like the Saw movies, and b) haven't seen the first five of them.

So here's your forum:

- in the comments, Cranpire is welcome to make his case why Saw VI is a better choice than Zombieland.

- also in the comments, you are welcome to discuss this with Cranpire and come to your own conclusions.

The Cap'n has already made it clear that I will not be watching Saw VI, but as the instigator of this coup, Mr. Cranpire has the right to sway the rest of you if he so chooses.


edit: I'm throwing a SPOILER ALERT in on the Comments section. It's not a major plot point in Zombieland, but I wish I hadn't known about it, because I bet it's a great surprise if you haven't heard yet.

It really should have been our "Field Trip" Film.

I watched Trick R Treat tonight. Because I'll be writing about it formally for Horror Fest, I don't want to say too much, but it was exactly what I was hoping for. The interconnected stories are all atmospheric, fun, and creepy. I like the way that parts of the larger story develop organically and never feel like cheats, and that writer / director Michael Dougherty keeps things rightfully centered on Halloween. As anthology stories go, there's not really a weak story in the bunch, although I'm partial to the school bus and Sam / Mr. Kreeg segments.

Trick R Treat is going to be a lot of fun to show on Friday night, just after midnight (so it's actually Halloween), and I'm looking forward to talking more about it then. For now, know that I really enjoyed it. Hopefully the dvd / Blu Rays sales will be good enough to give us a sequel, because this is the kind of movie that could easily be a yearly tradition. More than Saw, anyway...

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Otherwise, it must have been sixties day here or something. In addition to watching Monterey Pop, I also ended up sitting through a little more than half of Batman: The Movie from 1966. Yep, the one with Adam West and Burt Ward. And the Bat Shark Repellent Spray. And what is possibly the most ridiculous scene in an already ridiculous movie: Batman trying to get rid of a bomb.



Gotta love those plastic ducks.

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Starting on Monday, I'll be putting up the finalists for "Favorites Night" up head to head. You can only vote for one, and the window to vote is going to be relatively tight. We need to get it down to around 5 or 6 from 24, so it's not always going to be an easy vote. Just hope I don't ask you to choose between Blood Car and Terrorvision!

The Voting is the Hardest Part...

Or it will be, anyway. So far we have 11 really good choices for "Fan's Night" with another two (Feast and Teeth at the moment) joining the list. I did a quick check of the list of movies left to go, and there are 31 left to vote on. Initially, I was going to drop a few of those, but we have some twisted voter out there who loves to vote for the worst possible choices.

Speaking of which, kudos to you, futility voter. I'm not 100% sure who you are, but your voting indicates that every movie that all other H-Fest attendees hated were your favorites. Or maybe you're just the ironic advocate of what I'd call "The Worst Horror Fest Ever".

Whatever you're up to, it's amusing me, so I'll fore go dropping things like Night of the Living Dead 3-D, The Ruins, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation. Otherwise you'd have nothing to vote for!

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Back to the "Hardest Part": The next official voting brackets (beginning in October) are going to be a little bit different. I'll be putting two of the current favorites head-to-head, and you can only vote for one. Unless, of course, you don't want to take any breaks and want to try to watch 18 movies straight through*. Trust me, while the choosing is going to be tough, it's going to be a great night of movies one way or the other.

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By the way, the field trip choice is 99% Zombieland. The new trailer sold me on it.





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postscript: okay, it's clear that the Cap'n fell asleep, woke up late, and didn't have anything to write about. Tomorrow will have something to do with actual movies and not Horror Fest stuff most of you could have guessed about. But seriously, kudos to that sick bastard voting for shitty movies. I hope you don't win, because I'm not showing "that movie" again, but I admire your quixotic quest to represent crap.




* I'm game.

Multitasking and Democracy

Here at the Blogorium, I like to have several projects running at one time in various states of completion, so that writing about movies can stay varied and (for all of us) interesting.

At the moment I'm in the process of watching Jubilee, Derek Jarman's apocalypsterpiece, I'm working on write ups for Tyson and The Private Life of Henry VIII, and have been watching Inglorious Bastards again on Blu Ray. Additionally, I'm working on an Anthropology project about community based on the moviegoing experience as ritual. My field work is to compare the rules and etiquette observed along with the sense of catharsis and solidarity in different theatres.

In order to really get into this, my "research" will include seeing movies at The Carolina, Carousel, Grande, Brassfield, Dollar Theatre, and if I'm lucky, a Drive-In. I want to try seeing different movies in different atmospheres to get a good idea of the different rules of engagement for "joining" the audience in varying theatres. If you'd like to join, let me know.

The Cap'n also takes requests, so if there's something you want me to watch or write about, just let me know. I have plenty here to keep me busy, but please redirect my attention as needed.

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Oh, in case anybody was wondering, the winners of Round One were Ghoulies 2 and Black Sheep, which you'll see again once I've narrowed down the field. Considering the amount of movies, I might have to cut down voting time in order to thin out the long list, or I could simply ask you to comment on which movies that you have no interest in seeing whatsoever.

The list, if we're going the more expedient route, consists of:

Horror Fest 1 -
The Alligator People, The Lost Boys, Feast, The Wicker Man, From Dusk Til Dawn, Friday
the 13^th Part 4: The Final Chapter, Saw, Re-Animator, Night of the Living Dead (1990)

Horror Fest 2 -
Hostel Part II, Dead & Buried, Night of the Lepus, Hellraiser, 1408, From Beyond, Return to Horror High, The Descent, Planet Terror, The Call of Cthulu, Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, Night of the Living Dead 3-D

Summer Fest 1 -
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, ___ _________, Teeth, Shark Attack 3: Megalodon, Dead Heat, Fido, Friday the 13^th Part 2, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, The Giant Claw

Horror Fest 3 -
In the Mouth of Madness, Dead Alive, Halloween, Faces of Death, Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn, The Ruins, The Mist, Blade Trinity, Blood Feast, Child’s Play 2, The Paul Lynde Halloween Special, Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, The Wicker Man (2006), The Orphanage

Summer Fest 2 -
Drag Me to Hell, Army of Darkness, Alien Apocalypse, Chopping Mall, Terrorvision, Friday the 13^th Part 3, The Prowler, Student Bodies, Uncle Sam, Hillbillys in a Haunted House, Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus, Troll 2, Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires, Creepshow, Shaun of the Dead

Let's go, people: trim some of the fat and make the voting more fun. I can see a lot of movies on there I'm not interested in seeing again. Just name the ones you want out in the comments, but choose wisely; if you choose something that shouldn't be cut, I may put it somewhere else in the weekend*.

By the way, if you're wondering about some movies I've penciled in as "likely":

Let the Right One In, Martyrs, The Stepfather, Trick R Treat, Child's Play, Matango, The Werewolf versus The Vampire Woman, An American Werewolf in London, Night of the Creeps, See No Evil, and Scream Blacula Scream.

Depending on what's playing, our field trips choices are between Zombieland and Lars Von Trier's Antichrist.

* I'm not saying that I bought Shark Attack 3: Megalodon, but I'd advise you against asking me to remove it. Or a certain Halloween Special.

To Be Continued... If I can only remember why.

Don't you hate it when you tease something like this:

"1. I am always looking for something new to show in between movies at Horror Fest (more on that subject later this week)."

but by the time you come back to it three days later, you can't remember exactly what you meant by "more on that subject later this week"? I knew I made a mental note to come back to that for today's entry, but I'll be damned if there's that much to talk about. Oh well, let's give it a whirl...

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One of the things I'd like to do with Horror Fest is expand the viewing pleasure beyond simply movies. There have always been episodes of TV shows playing between films and in the last two years or so Dr. Re-Animator became a fixture of breaks (to the chagrin of many of you) but that's really been the extent of it. I've tried finding good "horror only" trailer reels and it's not as easy as it sounds.

The one good dvd I did find was All Monsters Attack!, a disc devoted to Sci-Fi Monster movies that sorta fits the bill. The 42nd Street Forever discs each have horror movies, but they're split up in between other exploitation films so it can be tricky using those.

In my quest to find horror-related ephemera, I found a dvd from Something Weird Video called Monsters Crash the Pajama Party that may be exactly what I've been looking for. The dvd itself is three-and-a-half hours of short films, trailers, drive-in shorts, horror musicals, educational shorts, photo montages, and something called Hypnoscope that comes with 3-D glasses. Plus there's Tormented, a Bert I. Gordon joint from 1960.

Monsters Crash the Pajama Party may be exactly what I've been hunting for, as it's the sort of disc you can press "play" on and switch back to between the films proper. I'm not certain if there are more discs like this, but if so I'd like to check them out for future use, as it really can augment the experience.

The one other thing I've been trying to find with relatively little success is the Silly Symphonies cartoon about the musical skeletons. The Diz pulled that particular volume of Symphonies years ago and, the dummy that I am, I sold it.

Also, if you happen to see any good "Horror Host" material on Youtube, send it my way. I'm quite certain I can incorporate it into the Fest.

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So... that's about it. More than I expected, but still this feels like a lot less than what I teased. Hrm.

Oh! Voting ends on Sunday, so get any final plugs in. I'm going to cut the next bracket down to one week as to get more of you to jump on the business of choosing your Fest, so keep your eyes peeled!

Is there usually a "no compete" clause or something?

The Cap'n may have an incredibly short memory (it is possible), but I've been spending the last hour or so trying to remember the last time two "big" movies went head to head. Most of this summer I've noticed that an "event" movie, like Transformers or G.I. Joe will come out one week and nothing of its kind will oppose it until the following week. Take, for example, the last two weeks, where hotly anticipated District 9 and Inglorious Basterds went head to head... oh wait, there was that whole week between the two. This translates into big weekend for one movie, then it can be toppled the next week by the next "big" movie (District 9 / Basterds: case in point).

Since that seems to be the trend lately, I find myself impressed that New Line Cinema and Dimension are going head to head this weekend with their big guns: The Final Destination and Halloween 2.

Now, on paper, it may seem like the sequel to a remake of a film from thirty years ago going up against the fourth movie in a series where most people forgot there was a third is no big whoop, but allow me to make the case for each.

Despite not liking Rob Zombie's Halloween at all, the slow doling out of information about this movie incrementally increased my interest to the point where, against my better judgment, I sorta/kinda want to see it. In addition to the bizarre dream imagery that's pervasive throughout the advertising and so-dumb-it-might work Sheri Moon Zombie as ghost mother, there's another precedent with Rob Zombie movies: the sequel has invariably been much better than the first film.

House of 1000 Corpses? Hated it. The Devil's Rejects? Loved it. Halloween? Hated it.

Halloween 2?

Well, it remains to be seen, but I'm cautiously optimistic.

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On the other hand, there's not much cautious optimism about The Final Destination. The movie has two things going for it: Rube Goldberg-like death scenes and this film's gimmick... 3-D. For those who genuinely didn't realize there was a Final Destination 3, from filing it innumerable times, I promise you there is. The gimmick with part 3 was a "choose your own adventure"-style dvd option, allowing you to determine where and when certain characters did or didn't die.

To be perfectly honest with you, I only watched half of Final Destination 2 and never watched the third one, but these aren't really movies. The plot is incidental to a ludicrous degree, especially if this entry is all about 3-D. The first movie had an iota of story, but from there on the producers realized that people came for the elaborate death sequences and programmed accordingly. By the fourth film in this franchise, I'd be surprised if people leaving The Final Destination will be able to remember one character's name.

But then again, that's the point. While I'm looking to see where Rob Zombie takes Halloween now that he doesn't need to "honor" the source material, I'm not going to The Final Destination expecting anything except tricky, suspenseful death set ups and carnage, which it will no doubt deliver.

The other thing I find very interesting about these two movies going head to head is that you have two horror movies duking it out at the tail end of August, not even in October. No, in October, you'll have Zombieland and Saw VI, once again staggered by a few weeks. Two franchises which have inexplicably pulled themselves up from expectations otherwise and proven to be strong enough to go mano y mano.

So the question is, which one wins? Do the die-hard Rob Zombie fans show up in full force to give Halloween 2 another strong showing, or does the gaggle of non-horror fans who like crazy gimmick movies pile in to see The Final Destination. It's been virtually impossible to avoid the advertising for both films, and while I'd be impressed to see Tarantino hold on to that number one spot next Monday, I have my doubts. What takes Inglorious Basterds place though is really a toss up.

Hell, I might see both. After I watch Moon, Inglorious Basterds, and District 9.

Quintuple feature, anyone?

It's Not Going to Be a Good Week.

"Perhaps someone will make a brilliant movie out of it."

That's what director John Landis told Bloody-Disgusting while confirming that, yes, he is in the process of selling remake rights for An American Werewolf in London. To Dimension films. Of Cursed fame*.

While I'm not willing to go quite so far as to say this can't be a worse idea than An American Werewolf in Paris** (from Dimension's sister-corporation, Buena Vista), this is the remake I've been dreading. The one I knew was coming but really hoped someone would have the good sense to say "no, let's leave that one alone."

And the kicker of it is that John Landis is essentially giving his stamp of approval by selling the remake rights. Worse than that, based on the above quote, he implies that there's something to be improved on the original, which I totally disagree with. I happen to hold An American Werewolf in London in that "brilliant" category, not simply as a horror comedy but as a movie that works from beginning to end. It doesn't feel dated at all and the very practical special effects hold up to this day. The music selection is inspired, the jokes are great, and the dream sequences are truly bizarre.

Lightning doesn't strike twice like that, I'm afraid. I'm sure state of the art computer blah blah blah will make the wolf look cooler, but it won't look like it's in the room. That's what is so wonderful about the "transformation" sequence: it's all happening right there, in a brightly lit room, in front of you. The trickery is handled so well that to this day it hurts to watch David's bones crack and stretch. The werewolf in Piccadilly Circus may be a little limited, but damn if that carnage isn't fun. I've had to rewind that part of the film too many times because I'll be laughing so hard I miss something.

But there's a "brilliant" movie to be made out of this. More brilliant than the original, which is lacking in some way. I mean, if you want to remake An American Werewolf in Paris and make it not suck, I say go for it. But leave my werewolf alone. I guess we can look forward to The Howling*** redux next. Le sigh.

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Despite nearly every critic shitting on Transformers: Who Needs a Plot?, a bagizillion of you saw it, proving to Michael Bay and the studios that they can keep making idiotic crap and you'll go see it because "why not? GI Joe isn't out yet!" It's no wonder they keep pumping out garbage remakes and mindless movies, because people will flock to them. And then they'll tell me how "Friday the 13th is really actually pretty awesome, especially if you're a fan of the series" and I'll call Shenanigans on that bullshit.

I'm on the record hating Halloween for the dumb decisions Rob Zombie made, but at least he made some dumb decisions with good intentions. There is NOTHING in Shit Coffin worth giving you a "So You Won't Have To" review. From the terrible Blue Velvet reference that opens the movie to the arbitrariness made painful by self aware "explanations" to the characters you want dead from the moment you meet them or the fact that if Jason is NOT in fact a pot farmer then it's awfully convenient he just lets those pot plants grow RIGHT BY WHERE HE LIVES and then kills anyone who goes near them. They couldn't even make the trade from sack to hockey mask feel important. He just picks it up off of the ground.

Look, there aren't a lot of die-hard Friday the 13th Part 3 fans out there, but I guarantee you that if you come over here and watch it with us, you'll see immediately how badly Shit Coffin misunderstands the series "Formula."

But by all means, keep watching this crap. Keep giving millions of dollars over to people so they're validated in thinking you morons will watch anything. That way, when I'm having a particularly bad day (as today was), the Cap'n will never run out of targets to hurl abuse at.


* For those of you who aren't Cranpire and (rightly) don't remember Cursed, it was the movie that Kevin "Scream" Williamson and Wes "Scream 2" Craven were making after Scream 3, but was so bad the Weinstein brothers had it recut and further crappified before dumping it unceremoniously.

** I really don't blame anyone for forgetting about An American Werewolf in Paris. That movie sucks donkey nards.

*** Speaking of which, feel free to open the "Which is better: The Howling or An American Werewolf in London?" debate. It's a totally fair argument for either side.

What if You Threw a Doctor Who Party and No One Showed Up?

The Votes are in, and it looks like I'll be watching...

Star Trek!

This means I'll have to go see it tomorrow, since I'm working on Sunday. It's still strange to me that having NOT seen a Star Trek movie makes you lame all of a sudden. What bizarro planet did I wake up in?

Kudos to all who voted for Who Are You, Polly Magoo? and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and also to Cranpire who is the only person I could imagine would vote for Ghoulies IV. Don't worry, I'll get to all of them soon enough.

I'll put up a new poll tomorrow for you to vote one, but be warned that I'm going to be using a very loose definition of what makes up a "day" now that the Cap'n works until midnight.

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In honor of Star Trek's win, I submit the following:



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Just so I could say I watched something Terminator related (sorry, I'm not watching Salvation), I popped in the original film last night and watched part of it before bed. In light of Terminator 2: Judgment Day and the other sequels*, I'd forgotten just how low budget the first film was. I mean that in a good way, however; it limits how much of the future James Cameron could show, and he still gets a lot of mileage out of the big "set piece" involving Kyle Reese and the Hunter-Killers.

It's really hard to say if the increased budget in successive films helped the Terminator series. To be fair, Arnold's makeup can look a little dodgy late into the first film, but there's something endearing about a movie co-produced by Orion Studios (now out of business) and Hemdale (the same company that co-produced Return of the Living Dead.) Cameron works like crazy with what he has, and I'm not sure that the leap upward to Judgment Day carries the same independent spirit that The Terminator does.

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There should, theoretically, be a Doctor Who Party going on right now but no one has yet decided to arrive. I think Neil said he'd be here around 9, so that leaves everybody else the option of being fashionably late I guess. In the meantime it's a good excuse to get some homework done, since I think it needs to be turned in by midnight. I think.




* that's really all they merit when discussing Terminator-related business.