Ladies and Germs, this may be the best/worst blurb in dvd history:
In case you can't read that, let's get closer...
Indeed, Earl Dittman, it is a firestorm of fiery action and scorching suspense! It's a wonder I'd never heard of this movie before last night. If only I could bother to bring it home and watch... nah.
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I wish I could say that Carnivorous was a movie I found at work, but the Cap'n has to thank Netflix for making me aware of a movie that pits a "supernatural" snake against DMX. At least, that's what I'm pretending it does. Somehow I'm guessing DMX is in this movie about as much as Steven Seagal is in Against the Dark, but a Cap'n can dream can't he?
If you're wondering why I didn't link to Carnivorous, it's because I couldn't find it on IMDB. At least, until I found it's real title: Lockjaw: Rise of the Kulev Serpent. Now tell me which one you'd rather see, Carnivorous or Lockjaw: Rise of the Kulev Serpent. (hint: it's the second one)
Don't worry, I have a sneaking suspicion it'll show up just in time for Trailer Sunday...
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Speaking of Steven Seagal, it was only natural that I pair up my "why is that on..." Blu Ray of Out for Justice with Above the Law, another find at work. I believe someone asked aloud where my sudden interest in Steven Seagal came from, and I will tell you again that once you read Seagalogy, all will become clear. I can't say I'm as knowledgeable or as deeply interested in Seagal as Vern is but I've come to appreciate the man I once knew only from Exit Wounds.
Don't even look at me like that. Exit Wounds is a great movie. And (wait for it...) it costars DMX, of Lockjaw: Rise of the Kulev Serpent fame. And Michael Jai White, who I'm just going to assume you all know from Spawn and the deleted scene from Kill Bill volume 2 where he has an Australian accent.
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