Summer Fest 5 (Day One) Sidenote: Sharknado

 This doesn't really fit into any of the actual coverage of Summer Fest, but because of its highly successful airing on Syfy the night before, nearly everybody who came over on Saturday and Sunday asked the Cap'n about Sharknado. Now it just so happens that the Cap'n and Cranpire sampled some of Sharknado before the crowds arrived, so we found ourselves repeatedly explaining that (as usual) The Asylum had misled viewers as to what a "sharknado" is.

 If you've seen the poster - and who hasn't at this point, since it's right next to this paragraph - you expect a tornado comprised of sharks, which certainly seems promising in a stupid way. Alas, from what we saw of Sharknado, the tornado (more of a typhoon, if you're getting technical about it) is just a delivery system to drop sharks off where they couldn't normally go: flooded highways, city streets, etc. Only at the very beginning does it get even close to the promise of the poster, and even that is more or less sharks being dropped on a boat that's already in the middle of the ocean.

 We couldn't really judge the performances of Ian Ziering, John Heard, or Tara Reid, but let's assume they were terrible. I highly doubt folks will be contesting me on this one.

 Good for The Asylum and for Syfy for tapping into the cultural zeitgeist, even if its a part that none of us knew existed, and I hope that Ghost Shark or whatever it's called with Richard Moll goes as well for you. Surely it's working out better than Atlantic Rim, a movie I rejected from Summer Fest after ten minutes. And yes, the Cap'n changed tenses in the middle of this post, and just did it again. Thanks, Sharknado.

 If only you were called Shartnado - it's not something I'd be more likely to watch, but for some reason seems funnier to say.

Summer Fest Day Three: Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus

Truth be told, I was a bit disappointed in MSVGO, despite Cranpire's promises of bad-goodness.

Don't get me wrong; there are things to like here for sure. Wooden acting, Deborah Gibson, Lorenzo Lamas, people "doing science" (and by that I mean pouring one colored liquid into a beaker with another colored liquid), and a few inspired attacks by Mega Shark.

If you can find the "Best of" reel on Youtube, I recommend you watch it, because the "Shark jumping 40,000 feet to take down a jumbo jet" or "shark eating the Golden Gate Bridge" or "Octopus swatting a fighter jet out of the sky" scenes are fun. There are a handful of funny "being serious in a submarine scenes" with Gibson and Lamas, but the downside is there's a lot of movie where nothing interesting happens.

For that matter, there's very little Mega Shark and Giant Octopus in the film, even if the reasons they're separated and (spoiler) reunited are incomprehensible at best. Their undersea smackdown is too short and consists of two effects shots repeated at least three times (Mega Shark bites off Giant Octopus' tentacle) and it's a lot of yapping by humans to get to this underwhelming fight. I'd liken this movie to Godzilla: Final Wars, where what you want to see is limited to small burts of "cool!" punctuated by "boring!"

Despite the Cranpire's promises, this movie is simply not worth the 90 minute investment of time. You're better served watching Megalodon: Shark Attack 3, a far superior "Giant Shark" film with John Barrowman of Torchwood and Doctor Who fame. That has a better pick up line and sex scene, even if it lacks the crucial Debbie Gibson component.