So You Won't Have To: The Change-Up

 After my Horrible Bosses review, it was suggested that the Cap'n was maybe too hard on The Change-Up, a film that I hadn't seen but felt had "chosen wisely" in ignoring for the other Jason Bateman-centric R-rated comedy. So, in the interest of fairness, I watched The Change-Up. Guess what? I was 100% correct in my earlier assertion.

 I'm going to forgo the typical synopsis because there's nothing you can't learn about The Change-Up from the trailer: Jason Bateman is the put-upon husband Dave and Ryan Reynolds is single pot head Mitch. They get drunk, pee in a fountain, and exchange bodies. Mitch is suddenly in Dave's body, just in time for a major deal in Dave's law firm, and Dave is... well, single. Just so we have to sit through the whole movie of watching unfunny gross out humor transition into a by-the-numbers "gee, I learned so much about what I really want" dramedy, the magic fountain is moved. Gee, will Dave succumb to temptation and bone his assistant Sabrina (Olivia Wilde) while in Mitch's body? Will Mitch regret the mundane world of life with kids and Dave's wife Jamie (Leslie Mann)? Will I give a shit by the end of the movie?

 Speaking of shit, The Change-Up opens with Jason Bateman on the receiving end of projectile baby crap. Just in case we didn't laugh the first time, the second squirt goes into his open mouth. That's how the movie starts. It never gets better. Instead, we're subjected to 112 more minutes of laugh-free shenanigans, objectification of women*, racism, homophobia, and computer enhanced child endangerment.

 In fact, here are a few things that happen in The Change-Up that I think were supposed to be funny:

 - Dave as Mitch is going to hook up with Tatiana, who turns out to be pregnant which disgusts Dave, and if it wasn't enough that she's naked throughout the whole scene, the baby "kicks" inside her stomach so we can see it on camera and laugh.

- You've already seen the Leslie Mann bathroom scene in the trailer, but what you didn't see was the set-up, which involves her stripping down while Warrant's "Cherry Pie" is playing. It's really just an excuse for more gratuitous nudity.

 - Dave as Mitch has to go to the set of Mitch's acting gig, which turns out to be a "Lorno" (light porno, or Skinemax flick), where he sticks his finger up some lady's ass and makes out with a guy in a thong (uncomfortably, of course, because it's a comedy).

 - Mitch as Dave ruins the big merger by making a series of jokes about Asian stereotypes and says "fuck" a lot.

 - When Dave and Mitch finally find the fountain, it's in a crowded mall, so they whip it out and start peeing anyway. There are no less than three jokes made about Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds exposing themselves to children.

 The Change-Up gets even worse when it stops being an offensive, gross-out comedy about balls and shit jokes and turns into a movie about appreciating what you have in life. It's a hard left turn that shifts the film into strictly predictable territory, right down to two separate montages of Mitch and Dave making the best of their new lives in different bodies. After a while, I stopped not laughing and started getting bored, and when everything ends up okay in the end, I was finally happy the movie was over. There's nothing to say about the acting because every single character is unlikeable, so if that was the goal, I guess good job?

I'm all for a movie with dirty jokes, harsh language, even gross-out gags. Read my review of Bridesmaids, or Horrible Bosses. The Change-Up isn't funny at all. I don't know why anyone would waste their time watching the film when so many better options are out there, and the only reason I'm glad I saw it was So You Won't Have To.




* I guess if you've been patiently sitting through Judd Apatow movies hoping you'd see Leslie Mann naked, The Change-Up will check that off of your bucket list. Of course, if that's on your bucket list, go ahead and kick that bucket. There's no good reason for anything that happens in The Change-Up, including all of the nudity.