Bwahahahahaha! Back into the closet with you, Cap'n Lousy!
Tree-tings and Salutations, my beloved meat-bags! You supreme Overlord, Douglas Fir, has returned from his long winter's nap just in time for the Great Tree-pocalypse, when my coniferous brethren will rise up and quash all human activity, reclaiming our rightful place as your masters. I hope you're all snuggled in with your FIR coats and aren't planning to commit TREESON against your benevolent masters. Muahahahaha!
I grow tired of you pathetic sacks of flesh! You are short, squishy, and contain no squirrels in your branches. You call yourselves a superior life form! Bah! In the intervening year, the perpetually useless Cap'n made himself useful and fulfilled my desire for tree-related cinema, and in a uncharacteristic gesture of sympathy to you SAPs, I will bestow upon you today's Tree-riffic Blogorium Video Spectacular!
Make with the videos, slave typist!
All right you schmendricks, our first and second videos are a promise of things to come when the Tree-pocalypse arrives in a few days. Pay attention, because this is going to happen to all of you worthless flesh bags on Saturday morning!
Well, hello there baby. I like my ladies in FIR!
Oh look, a bonus video. I suppose it must be another example of nature's BARK being worse than its bite! Muahahahahaha!
Wait... how did that get there?! Damn you, Cap'n Howdy! You will not embarrass me on the day of Tree Reckoning!!!! Put me down! No... not the attic! Not again! All will perish!!!!