Spoiler of the Day: Teenage Mother

 The miracle of life. Also, a prudish teenager gets her comeuppance, and a Swedish Sex-Ed teacher gets molested and kind of likes it. Future David Hyde-Pierce does not approve. Fred Willard doesn't seem to mind.


Tomorrow's Spoiler of the Day: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

USA Up All Night Marathon Also a Consideration!

The Cap'n needs your assistance, dear readers. You see, I'd really like to have one more movie marathon before school devours every moment of my free time and the Blogorium becomes a weekly referendum on the films of Joel and Ethan Coen (which is so much more likely than you'd even imagine). The problem is, I don't know what kind of movie night to have.

Normal marathons around here are themed, and for anyone who's arrived here for the first time, they go thusly:

April - Bad Movie Night(s), which occurs in the vicinity of the Cap'n's birthday. The so-bad-they're-good movies are hand selected by the Cap'n, and gifts are made of comparable quality to you, the attendee.

July - Summer Fest, which is a celebration of Horror Comedies. The atmosphere is based on a more participatory relationship to the horror films, and the quality bar is set much lower.

October - Horror Fest, the grandaddy of them all. Horror Fest is a showcase of the good, the bad, and the obscure of horror films which run from dusk til dawn.

More ambiguous about timing - Doctor Who Night, MST3K Night, Exploitation-o-Rama Double Features.

The catch is that I don't really want to do any of those in January. I'd like to try something different, like a "Best of 2009" weekend or something of that nature. On the other hand, I don't want to sacrifice the atmosphere of fun associated with other "theme" nights, and the phrase "best" is often subjective and connotes lofty expectations. So not quite what I'm looking for, you dig?

Therefore, I'd like to turn it over to you folks. What would bring you over to the Apartment That Dripped Blood for an evening that you wouldn't already show up for? What films would you like to see the Cap'n show for an audience unprepared for the experience. Okay, other than Teenage Mother (again).

Would VHS night be up your alley? A collection of films not available on DVD or fancy schmancy Blu-Ray? Believe it or not, they're out there. I have a few, and not just Terrorvision. Hankering for Italian Revenge Films, or Japanese Film Noir? Famous Oscar losers? Unnecessary Sequels? What about Bollywood versions of American films? I'm game, because I'd like to do something that would be fun for you folks and is outside of the normal realm of the Cap'n.

So give me some options in the comments section, and I'll put together a poll to vote on. The best suggestion will become a new "theme" night on the last weekend of January. For sure.


* one caveat: I'd really rather not do "Porn Parodies of Famous Films". Porn marathons NEVER end well.

Keep it short but sweet.

The Cap'n made a brief trip down to Scary Town to visit Adam and the Cranpire, and to watch Teenage Mother again (per request). I have to say that my thoughts about Teenage Mother haven't changed much since the last time I saw it, but I did notice a few things the second time around that make the film more confounding:

- taking time to pay attention to the plot and dialogue (where there are such things), it's apparent that Teenage Mother isn't playing by any logic anyone ever heard of, including Hollywood logic. Things happen not because they need to or because someone wants them to, but just because it's faster this way. Characters appear and disappear and important plot points are jumbled around, dropped, or under-emphasized to the point where you have to wonder about what this movie is actually trying to say.

For example, after Arlene Sue's father finds out (from her 40 year old classmate) that his daughter is pregnant, he doesn't seem to remember or even mention it to Tony when they meet outside. Instead, Tony is worried about where Arlene Sue might be, and her father is convinced she's hanging out with friends. (In reality, she's at the Drive-In with butt chin and the whole gang, waiting to be chased down) For some reason apparent only to director Jerry Gross, the prospective father and grandfather-to-be never gab about the fact that Tony knocked up Arlene Sue, even if she did fake it (which they don't know). Instead, her father is more interested in holding a mock trial for the Sex-Ed teacher, and Tony's following the trail of breadcrumbs to butt-chin.

- The chronology is a little daffy, but I'm guessing you could place the story of Teenage Mother over 5 days, tops (day one: The stock car race. day two: the sex-ed class and the dance. day three: Tony fights butt chin in the bathroom. day four: Tony and Arlene Sue go to the beach and butt chin assaults the sex-ed teacher. day five: Arlene Sue fakes a pregnancy, runs away, runs back, and then admits she faked the whole thing). If you've noticed, this means that the entire flak from the Sex-Ed class is (in the film) based on one lesson, and it's not even an introductory lesson. The students never get their textbooks, so it's really hard for the parents to be that up in arms, leading up to the mock trial.

- Fred Willard looks younger than most of the students he's coaching.

- Even if Arlene Sue wasn't pregnant (as we should assume is so), the doctor couldn't tell the next day, no matter how long he's been practicing medicine.

- Cranpire thought the birthing scene was gross as well.

The "Truth" About Teenage Mother

Now that Teenage Mother finally arrived, I think setting up a time for everybody to come over and watch it is in order. I'm leaning in the direction of this weekend, but will test those waters tomorrow between test taking and assorted school-related junk.

If you're wondering, the Cap'n is keeping his promise not to watch the movie before everyone else does. That did not stop me from reading another review and learning a few things I did not know about the movie, neither of which were covered in the Amazon synopsis posted previously:

- Star Arlene Sue Farber ("she's a very healthy girl") was also in The French Connection and I Drink Your Blood.

- There's a "twist" ending. Okay, it's not a twist so much as... well, get your popcorn ready.

- We all know that lady on the left, but who's that fella on the right?


That's right, folks! It's Fred Willard!!!!

Teenage Mother?! Whaaaa Happened?

- This line from the IMDB review made me laugh so hard I had to share it:

"There are no motorcycles in this film. until the very very end just before the curtains meet."

part of this is the context of the rest of the review, which you really might want to consider reading before you come over. Or not. It's up to you. I'm glad I know but am simultaneously filled with curiosity and dread.

Actually, since I'm putting the poster up anyway, you'll be able to figure it out. It's only RIGHT ABOVE THE TITLE:


Like I said, get your popcorn ready! This weekend: Teenage Mother! 9 Months of Trouble! Best Trailer Ever!


* by the way, I love the tagline "She did her homework in parked cars!"