The Cap'n is rarely an advocate of skipping class, but I sure wish I'd decided to sit out tonight's class. It wasn't necessarily the Professor's fault. He genuinely believed that the movie he'd rented was about migrant workers in Kansas. But it wasn't.
It was Beyond Borders with Angelina Jolie and Clive Owen, or as I like to call it, White Liberal Guilt: The Movie.
Watching this crap would be bad enough if I hadn't seen it, but unfortunately, I have watched Beyond Borders before (don't ask) and it was every bit as insipid, trite, poorly written and heavy handed as it was the last time. The only thing I noticed more clearly this time around is how cheap the all synthesizer score sounds, which gives the film a "made for tv" quality befitting its otherwise lackluster production values.
For those lucky enough to be out of the loop, Beyond Borders is the story of a rich white American (Jolie) who marries a British dude and then has her eyes opened to the plight of the Third World, so she goes on a travelogue (from Ethiopia to Cambodia to Chechnya) helping people and lusting after world weary Doctor Hunky (Owen).
He has a "seen it all / jaded asshole" quality and she has a "self righteous but doesn't understand how things work" attitude which make for some arguments and misunderstandings until they get it on during a rescue mission across the border to Thailand. Also, while being a Doctor, the guy is also a gunrunner and works with the CIA to assist rebel groups throughout the 80s and 90s. I am not making this shit up.
You should know you're in trouble when a movie like Rambo is more subtle about the political reality of relief efforts than Beyond Borders. Actually, it's pretty funny because Rambo takes the second act of this film and makes it more believable than Beyond Borders manages to, right down to the "villains threatening children and killing heroes" sequence.
The depth of insight goes no further than "white people help poor people but have a hard time doing it because of corruption", and by that I mean that sentence is enacted over and over again without going any further. We get African thugs, Khmer Rouge thugs, Corrupt Cambodian soldiers, ineffective Ethiopian leaders, and Chechnyan terrorists. Oh, and for good measure, a cheating husband so Jolie won't feel guilty hooking up with Owen and having his kid.
I'll spare you the howlingly bad dialogue that Clive Owen has to sell as meaningful, or descriptions of scenes where Jolie stares blankly at someone. Or the Cambodian translator who looks suspiciously Italian. It's just a terrible, terrible movie, unless you REALLY want to know why Angelina Jolie feels the need to collect so many children (on top of the ones she has herself).
Beyond Borders has exactly one thing going for it, and that's *SPOILER* the fact that Angelina Jolie is killed by a landmine in the last ten minutes. It's supposed to be very sad, I guess, but I was laughing because of how badly the film sells it. Clive Owen, being shot to pieces by the terrorists, can't seem to understand why she's standing perfectly still, and we're just waiting for the inevitable. As sick as this sounds to the one or two "normal" people who read this, I took some twisted glee in that particular explosion. No sadness filled my heart. Only relief.
The moral of the story, other than "make sure you know which movie you're renting" is to Watch Rambo Instead. It accomplishes everything Beyond Borders is trying to do, and is just as violent. Also, it's better written, directed, and scored.
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