The Cap'n points his mighty finger of shame towards any and all of you who recommended The Ruins as a "must see" horror film. You can't really have an audience more ready for this kind of film, and every single one of us agree that is sucks the big one.
From the get go this movie was going in bad directions, and it never got better. To be honest, I was constantly reminded of Feast, a movie where only the idiot characters live into the second act. Unfortunately for The Ruins, it's not a horror comedy (at least intentionally).
We should've known things were bad when half way in I started complimenting the mountains in the background and not the film itself. At this time, I feel it's important to pass this on to two separate opinions. Adam watched the movie in a very particular way, and Neil has some thoughts to share as well:
Mr. Davis - So here's the sitch. A couple of moderately hot chicks hang out on some ancient temple with a guy who we will tentatively call " the HJ collector". First the guy collects an HJ from the blonde, then he unsuccessfully tries to collect a Hotel Juliet from the brunette. This pisses the blonde off. The blonde, and the HJ collector get eaten by plants, then the brunette's boyfriend gets shot by Ganja Farmers and God knows what happened to the brunette because I really stopped carring after the HJ collector died.
Mr. White - I don't remember much about The Ruins already because I was distracted by Adam's running commentary, which should tell you all you need to know about how interesting a movie it is. There were some brutal deaths, and a sad attempt at a foreign language. There was a guy who got shot in the face, and that was pretty cool. This was just another example of the tired Twentysomethings On Vacation cliche that never seems to work no matter how many times it's tried. It's not that what happens to them isn't interesting, it's just you don't care. And even though this movie is much more successful in making plants scary than say, The Crappening, that's not saying a whole lot. I've owned houseplants scarier than those. Honestly, don't worry about it, just watch Adam's version.
The Cap'n here with one final note involving an "alternate" ending. A semi-superior ending to The Ruins is on the dvd (not the theatrical ending). Instead of some dumb shot of random people walking back to the ruins, there's a graveyard scene involving a caretaker discovering the plants growing out of Jena Malone's (the brunette, non-hj giver) grave.
What's funny is not that ending, but that the grave only says "Amy" on it. No last name, no attempt at anything else, just "Amy". It's kind of silly, considering how that would've been the preferable ending, save for one lazy prop. Such a waste of a movie.
Up next: The Mist (in black and white) then The Orphanage. No sleep after that...
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