Summer Fest Supplemental: Evil Laugh

  When one thinks about horror films that classify as "80s Cheese," one considers Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II, Halloween III: Season of the Witch, and The Slumber Party Massacre Part 2, which doesn't get much more quintessentially hairspray and lip gloss than a killer with a drill inside his electric guitar. I would like to formally submit 1988's* Evil Laugh to that pantheon of cheesetastic horror films. It fails to do what it sets out to, but is at the same time a must-see for fans of goofy slasher flicks.

 Jerry (Gary Hays) is a doctor engaged to Connie (Kim McKamy, also known as porn star Ashlyn Gere), and the two of them are planning on renovating an abandoned Foster Home - with a horrible secret! - in order to give it a fresh start. Jerry and Connie invite their medical school interns up to the house to help clean it up. There's Barney (Jerold Pearson), the weirdo who's way into horror movies; meatheads Mark (Myles O'Brian)  and Johnny (co-writer and brother of Scott, Stephen Baio), rich jerks Sammy (Tony Griffin) and Betty (Karyn O'Bryan), as well as airhead Tina (Jody Gibson); none of whom seem like they ever have been or will be in the medical profession (just my unqualified opinion, but if these clowns are in Med School, then I'm glad I don't have the insurance to go to their practices). Anyway, a strange killer with a doofy laugh (or is it an EVIL laugh... see what I did there?) is killing off anyone in or around the house, so can this group of unappealing jerks clean up and have some make out time before it's too late for them?

 There's not a single moment in Evil Laugh that works: it's a horror movie that isn't scary, it's a comedy that isn't funny. Every time Dominick Brascia and Steven Baio try to go for scares (or laughs) they fail miserably: the explanation of why the Foster Home was shut down is intercut with some lame comedy involving landlord Mr. Burns (Howard Weiss) and his wife (Susan Grant), as well as the unsexiest bondage scene you'll ever bear witness to. There's a lengthy scene involving Chief Cash (Hal Shafer) and his not-really-Deptuy Freddy (Johnny Venocur) that seems to exist just to add two more victims. They botch a "microwave to the head" kill, fudge a "character that knows horror movies explains why another character shouldn't have sex" scene**, and they can't even rip-off Friday the 13th correctly at the climax of the film.

On the other hand, Evil Laugh is constantly laugh out loud funny for purely unintentional reasons.Early in the film, for reasons I like to ascribe to as the "if the audience can't see it, neither can the character" camera angle, Johnny decides to pee off of a hill, and ends up urinating all over a biker and his girlfriend. The biker and his girlfriend never figure into the film again, but the moment is so pointless that I began chuckling in disbelief. More than one time during Evil Laugh I found myself asking aloud "is this a real movie? Am I actually watching this, or is it some kind of prank?"

 And then there's the sexually ambiguous Barney, who cuts a hole in Mark and Tina's bed so he can rub Mark's ass and disrupt the sex scene. There's a montage of dusting, dancing, and ass shaking, but because it isn't fair to just to involve the girls before you know it the camera is focused on Johnny, Mark, and Sammy's behinds too. When you find out who the killer is, if anyone bothered thinking about the movie at all, it wouldn't make sense that said person could kill Chief Cash and Freddy in one scene and be somewhere else in the next.

 But that's the charm of Evil Laugh; despite the fact that nothing works, everything evens out because so many odd choices on the part of Baio and Brascia compound on one another, providing and experience wholly beyond whatever it was they had in mind. Don't take my word for it; watch it yourself, in its entirety (and for free) on YouTube. It's the perfect "party movie," because you can wander off if you want, but when someone comes in and says "wait... did that really just happen?" you'll be able to say "yeah, that's Evil Laugh for you." Everybody wins!


* According to the end credits, it's actually 1986, which explains why it feels like a film from earlier in the decade.
** By the way, you'll see a lot of coverage about Scream that claims no slasher film acknowledged other slasher films before 1996, but even as a BAD example, Evil Laugh openly addresses Halloween and Friday the 13th by name, as well as prominently displaying Barney's interest in Fangoria.

Summer Fest Supplemental: Mortuary

 I've long wanted to check out Mortuary because of its fantastic trailer. It doesn't tell you much of anything, features no footage from the film, but is short, memorable, and promises a properly spooky film:



 Going into the film, I wasn't sure what to expect based on the trailer, but I guess it wasn't roller skating or people quacking like ducks. The trailer may be misleading (okay, it's blatantly misleading about the actual film), but Mortuary actually has plenty going for it in its own right.

 After Christy (Mary McDonough)'s father , Dr. Parson (Danny Rogers) dies in a pool related "accident," she's prone to nightmares and spells of sleepwalking. Her boyfriend Greg (David Wallace) and his pal Josh (Denis Mandel) are dropping by the warehouse of a mortuary Josh used to work for, when they discover the mortician, Harry Andrews (Christopher George) holding a seance with a woman that appears to be Christy's mother (Linda Day George). The guys are separated, and just as Josh finds what appears to be the body of Mrs. Andrews, he's killed by a mysterious figure in a cape. Greg arrives in time to see someone speeding off in his van, and he and Christy set off to discover what happened to her father, Josh, and what the behind all of these clandestine activities. Is Christy losing her mind? Are Mrs. Parson and Mr. Andrews scheming behind her back? And who is the stranger terrorizing them in the night?

 Mortuary is a pretty straight forward mystery with some clever twists and turns. After a slasher-like set up, the film shifts between Greg's attempts to find Josh and Christy's delicate grip on reality. Is she really being followed at night, or are they part of her walking nightmares? Did Josh really leave to join the Navy (okay, no; we see him die), or is Mr. Andrews colluding with the Sheriff (Bill Conklin) to railroad Greg? And what about Paul Andrews (Bill Paxton), Harry's well-meaning, if slightly loopy son? He has a crush on Christy, but his innocent flirtation and awkward social stylings don't seem to be doing him any favors.

 Even if you've already figured out who the killer is (and it won't be hard about an hour in when they pretty much tell you), Mortuary finds other ways to misdirect you and keep you invested in the mystery for 87 minutes. Just when you think you have it figured out, a revelation shifts your perspective on motives and leads you in a different direction, which I always appreciate. It offsets the slow chase scenes and overlong game of cat-and-mouse towards the end. At the risk of spoiling too much, I'll say the ending is an interesting variation on Psycho, but with a final shot that you might not see coming, even though they set it up briefly.

 I'd like to highlight a young Bill Paxton, who nearly steals the show as the awkward Paul Andrews, a guy who doesn't know much about other people but is an ace around the dead. He's endearing, a little off-putting, and just "off" enough to keep you watching, even when the pace gets a bit sluggish.

 Was I a little disappointed that Mortuary isn't at all like its trailer? Well, yeah. It wasn't the movie I was hoping to see; the one I was promised. On the other hand, Mortuary is still a fun movie from the early 1980s with a more sophisticated plot than many of its contemporaries. The gore is sparing, the body count not high, and the gratudity is pretty limited for 1983, but what is there makes sense in the story. While not exactly what I wanted, I'm happy to say that Mortuary still delivers in its own way.

Summer Fest Supplemental: Ack!

 Oh my, Summer Fest visitors, how the day has gotten away from the Cap'n. Work does that, and I just haven't had the time to build up a proper backlog of reviews, but if I can squeeze it in tonight, I'll get you a movie review and then try to get some more content up tomorrow after my shift ends.

 In the meantime, might I suggest a few reviews from earlier this year of films that have a place at any Summer or Horror Fest:

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane

The Boogens

Pontypool

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Cabin Fever

George Romero's "Dead" Saga: Night of the Living Dead

Dawn of the Dead

Day, Land, Diary, and Survival of the Dead


 Okay, I'll see what I can get you before bed time. Until then!

Summer Fest Supplemental: Counterpoint from a Saw Fan

 Welcome back to more virtual Summer Fest coverage. To close out day one, guest blogger Professor Murder answered my request for a Saw fan to explain to me what they found interesting in the films. While I gave Saw 3-D a shot, I didn't find it worthwhile, and the Professor has been kind enough to provide a counter view, based on points I made in the review. I'll hand it over to the Prof.

---

If you are going into the “Saw” movies determined not to like them, to find them predictable or formulaic, they will never win you over; they are predictable and formulaic. I, and quite a few others that I know, actually enjoy them for exactly these reasons. They are dumb. They are the “Police Academy” of schlocky gore-fests. I will address several points from the blogorium review. I'm not trying to convince anyone to like them here, I will never be able to do that just as no one will never convince me that I don't enjoy them immensely. I also don't care what the filmmakers intentions were... the movies seem to take themselves very seriously, which is exactly why I don't feel the need to.

“...not only was it really, really easy to pick up on plot developments in the three-and-a-half films I skipped...”

Part of the fun of the later Saw sequels is the revisionist-history flashbacks where, in the later sequels, upwards of 10% of the movie will be flashbacks that have a ham-handed extra shot tacked on to the end showing that Hoffman apparently was there the whole time. It's dumb and funny. They are designed so a four year old (with really cool parents) could come in at any point in the series and know what's going on.

“Saw 3D makes the critical mistake of being more interested in the cat-and-mouse games between Hoffman and the police than the grand guignol murder set-pieces, so to justify the film's existence for gore obsessed fans and the extra five bucks for 3D glasses, Greutert and the writers shoehorn in some more mostly unrelated "games" with characters that have no bearing on the story itself.”

This is not new to the later Saw sequels. The dumb, poorly planned storyline has always been balanced with random people who barely BARELY fit in anywhere in the story. It almost gives the stories a made-for-TV feel which just adds to the schlock.

“I don't know whether to blame Greutert, Melton, Dunstan or the actors for the terrible dialogue...”

Anyone who knows me knows that I find “terrible dialogue” very enjoyable if the writers were sincerely trying to write something poignant. The Saw movies are so melodramatic you can't help but chuckle.

Fourth:

“... the film opens with a kill that has nothing to do with the story, but exists to keep the bored gorehounds that flock to see these films drunk with bloodlust so that writers Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan (Feast, The Collector) can dither around with the plot until the next bloody set-piece.”

Exactly! What's the problem? Besides, I enjoy the “plot dithering.” It is exactly this poor planning and discontinuity in production staff that have lead to each movie revising the events of the previous movies... which I have already stated is one of my favorite things about the series. The things I like most about these movies are consequences of their shittiness and anything they did that was half baked only served to increse their appeal to me.

We could continue ad infinitum with this ping-pong game of point-counterpoint. It seems like everything the Cap'n dislikes about these movies, I like. The fact is that if you want to like the movies, you will; if you don't you won't. I'm not even trying to make a case that the movies are defensible. From the Cap'n's perspective, they are bad, and not enjoyable. From my perspective, they are bad and very enjoyable; I love terrible movies... I have always loved terrible movies. I can't really defend my enjoyment of the Saw movies, but I do enjoy them

Summer Fest Supplemental: Quarantine 2 - Terminal

 My initial enjoyment of 2009's Quarantine diminished rapidly after seeing [REC], the film it remade almost shot for shot. Quarantine wasn't necessarily bad, it was just unnecessary. Find a way to dub [REC] if people really have such a hang up with subtitles, but if you're going to just make an English version that's otherwise identical, then please don't cast recognizable actors from Dexter, Snatch, and Ally McBeal. It really diminishes the whole "found footage" concept when you can say "hey, I know ____ from that show!" I had trepidations when I found out that Quarantine 2 was on its way; there was no reason to assume it would be anything other than a direct remake of [REC]2, which was an audacious one-up of the first film.

 The Good News -  Quarantine 2: Terminal is not a remake of [REC]2. It's not even attempting to be the same kind of movie, down to the fact that it's not a "found footage" subgenre entry. While it finds ways to shoehorn some of those tropes in (more on that later), Quarantine 2: Terminal is its own film, not attempting to copy the narrative of Jaume Balagueró and Paco Plaza's sequel.

 The Bad News - Quarantine 2: Terminal is an average (at best) continuation of the first Quarantine, opting to make what is basically the same film in a different location. In this case, instead of an apartment complex, it's an airport terminal that was shut down for security reasons. Instead of vaguely relatable characters, the film is populated with stock character "types":

 There are the two stewardesses (Jenny and, um, the other one), who you can distinguish because one says she's getting married and the other one isn't. There are the two pilots (one is old and the other is bald and sick), there's the Army Medic, the Fat Guy, the Unaccompanied Minor (George), the old couple (one of whom has Parkinson's and can't talk), the Horny Couple, the Asshole Couple, the Cat Lady, the Guy with a Laptop, and the Nice Guy Who Seems Awfully Suspicious Because He's Part of the "Doomsday Cult" Responsible for the Disease.

 Oops, I guess there should have been a (SPOILER) on that last one, but if you can't figure it out as soon as you meet him, then you'll have lots of fun with this movie. Anyone else is going to notice right away who seems the most suspicious when his "hamster" bites the Fat Guy and then everyone gets sick. Eventually the movie adds a Boarding Technician and some CDC agents, so that we have someone who knows the building and some more people to kill. Again, my apologies for the lack of (SPOILER) alert there.

The film attempts to connect to Quarantine with some news footage of the apartment building, and then a cursory explanation from a CDC Agent about why the terminal has also been quarantined, and then that whole "Doomsday Cult" thing. This part is where I was probably the most disappointed, because I really liked how [REC]2 took a simple infection plot line and took it in the craziest possible direction. Quarantine 2 settles for being a watered down version of 12 Monkeys, right down to what the bad guy is planning to do to help spread the man-made disease. Putting a human face on the problem works against what did make Quarantine (and for that matter [REC]) work. We don't need some speech about how "the world needs a good plague" when I already have a far more batshit explanation from a better movie.

 (I won't spoil [REC]2 for you because I really think you should find out for yourself where the virus comes from and why, so watch [REC] and [REC]2 as a double feature when the second film hits DVD shelves soon. They're both great movies and you'll have much more fun than you would with Quarantine and Quarantine 2: Terminal)


 Quarantine 2: Terminal isn't awful, per se, but there's nothing original about the film. If you've seen [REC], Quarantine, or even the SyFy Channel's Terminal Invasion, there's absolutely nothing about this film that's going to surprise you or put you in a state of suspense. The gore is okay, the acting is uniformly terrible, and the plot is predictable to the last shot. It's a competent, if derivative film, one that has a rough start, finds its footing, and then quickly decides just to be a remake of Quarantine. The difference this time is that instead of changing the language, they change the location.
 It's nice to know that director John Pogue (who wrote The Skulls and Ghost Ship) takes an already poorly lit terminal and further renders any sense of geography pointless. Not only did I have no idea where most of the stock characters were at any point, but there was little sense of tension anywhere outside of the airplane. Quarantine at least gave you a clear idea of the layout of the apartment building, of where things were and where the characters were going in relation to each other. When it isn't painfully obvious what's going to happen to characters or they're simply behaving in a manner contradictory to what they just said, it's almost impossible to see what's happening until Pogue gives up and pulls a page out of the [REC] / Quarantine playbook: night vision goggles.

 The play is one of desperation, because since Quarantine 2 isn't a "found footage" movie, there's no point previously in the film where the camera is subjective for more than one shot. When Pogue switchs to Jenny (and later George)'s night vision POV shots, and then back to a third person camera shot, one can't help but feel like the director is cheating in order to milk the tension for as long a possible. It's also really just there for the final shot, which moves the film from being 12 Monkeys-lite to being 28 Weeks Later-lite, and promising a Quarantine 3: Vegas that I can't say I'm all that interested in after the second film.

 So I guess the bad news kind of outweighs the good news. I mean, it's not exactly a remake. Well, it is, but not in the way I was expecting it to be. Having seen Quarantine 2: Terminal, I kinda wish it had been a remake of [REC]2, because I'd love to see an American horror film be willing to go crazy, even if it was the same crazy I'd already seen. At least that'd be something worth watching. As it is, Terminal isn't going to be of much interest to fans of the originals, or even fans of Quarantine. People who haven't seen the first one certainly aren't going to be lining up to check this out, so I don't know who that leaves.

Summer Fest Supplemental: Fangoria's Weekend of Horrors

 I thought I'd start our virtual version of Summer Fest with a love letter of sorts to horror film. Many of you may not know this, but 2011 marks the 25th anniversary of the VHS release of Fangoria's Weekend of Horrors, a sixty minute documentary about the first ever Fangoria convention. Held in 1985, the first Weekend of Horrors was a gathering point in Los Angeles for horror enthusiasts, short film makers, and aspiring make up effects artists. Unlike UnConventional, a film I reviewed last year, the Weekend of Horrors doesn't feel sleazy or exploitative, despite promoting Fangoria throughout (it's co-director, Kerry O'Quinn, is actually the creator of Fangoria, along with Starlog).

 Compared to 2004's Unconventional, Weekend of Horrors feels relatively quaint: the enthusiasm of the fans is infectious, with many effusively gushing about their favorite monsters and why they're attracted to horror films. While there are merchandise tables - the site of a surprise appearance by Star Trek's Walter Koenig, wandering around the convention with his son - most of the tables that appear in the film are designed to showcase amateur makeup, monster, and effects work by fans of the genre.


 Like UnConventional, there is also an auction and a costume contest, but the costumes are all homemade and shall we say, less slutty. Instead of auctioning off Tiffany Shepis' underwear, the Fangoria fans bid on a shooting script for John Carpenter's Halloween, and judging by how little other items were going for, I'd be willing to bet someone went home with it on less than twenty dollars.

The main attraction of Fangoria's Weekend of Horrors is the guests of the convention, who range from Wes Craven and Robert Englund (there to support A Nightmare on Elm Street and the Craven-less Part 2: Freddy's Revenge) to a beardless Rick Baker, who brought along some ape effects from Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan. Tom Savini appears briefly during a montage; Elvira answers questions from the audience (Attack of the Killer Tomatoes was apparently the worst Movie Macabre film she ever aired); John Carl Buechler does a Q&A for Troll; Steve Miner and William Katt talk about House; Dan O'Bannon talks about Return of the Living Dead; Tobe Hooper appears to talk a bit about his films but also to preside over the Cinemagic Short Film Search Festival, where fans are awarded for their 8 and 16mm films.

With a magazine like Fangoria behind the event, it's no surprise that the emphasis is on special effects makeup, and many of the montages are devoted to masks from films like Friday the 13th and Creepshow (as well as a certain monster Tales from the Darkside fans will recognize immediately). Makeup effects artist Craig Reardon (Altered States, Poltergeist) gives People Magazine reporter Tony Lawrence a quick monster makeover in time for the costume contest. Special attention should also be given to Nora Salisbury, a fan who made her own Freddy Kreuger costume (with full head piece and glove) that's pretty impressive.

 For a sixty minute film, Weekend of Horrors does at time lean too heavily on scenes from films mentioned by guests (I still don't understand why the entire trailer for The Toxic Avenger needs to be there) and it takes a curious detour into promotional territory when Tobe Hooper finishes with the short film competition and begins talking about his remake of Invaders from Mars. There's a lengthy section devoted to behind the scenes footage, which does admittedly find a way to include Stan Winston in the film, but it's a jarring shift in the movie that sticks out when O'Quinn and Mike Hadley cut back to Dick Miller. Why this breaks up the previous montage, which includes interviews with Clu Gulager (Return of the Living Dead, Feast), producer Alex Gordon (Voodoo Woman, The Atomic Submarine), and composer Albert Glasser (The Cyclops, The Amazing Colossal Man), who talk, in part, about Roger Corman, is unclear.

 There's a bit of a "home movie" feel to Fangoria's Weekend of Horrors, but in a good way; it feels like a tape made to share the good time had by people there instead of a document of the lurid side of horror conventions (okay, I'll stop beating up on UnConventional), and I have to say it sure seemed like a great place to be in the summer(?) of 1985. People came from all around the country to share their enthusiasm for horror films, to show off what they could do, and to meet their heroes. I give O'Quinn and Hadley a lot of credit for conveying that sense of joy in such a concise package, and this is a great kick-off to Summer Fest!

 I'll be back a little bit later with a review of Quarantine 2: Terminal. Until then, stay scared!

A Few Ideas for Your Own Summer Fest!

 Greetings, gang; the Cap'n is working furiously on putting together his own virtual Summer Fest - in the absence of a real one - and coordinating with a few regular readers to contribute reviews of their own. I want everybody to be able to join in this year, in their own way. Below you'll find a list of a few possible "themes" you can mix and match from. Watch one, watch two, watch them all! If you feel like you want to add something to the conversation, send me a comment or email and I'll spotlight you in your own "Guest Blogger" post.

 Here are a few possibilities:

 Summer Camp Gone Awry
 Friday the 13th
 The Burning
 Sleepaway Camp
 Cheerleader Camp
 Madman

Killbillies
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part II
Wrong Turn
Just Before Dawn
The Hills Have Eyes 
The Final Terror

Vintage Schlock-o-rama-rama
Bride of the Monster
Creature from the Haunted Sea
I Was a Teenage Werewolf
Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter
Werewolves on Wheels
 

Newer Schlock-o-rama-rama

Slime City Massacre

Street Trash

Class of Nuke 'em High

Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers

Wild Zero

It Rocks, Heads Roll

Rockula
Slaughterhouse Rock
Rock 'n Roll Nightmare
Hard Rock Zombies
Black Roses
Phantom of the Paradise

Halloween, The Latter Sequels

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers

Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers

Halloween H20

Halloween: Resurrection

Remakes That Are Better Than They Should Be
Piranha 3D
The Hills Have Eyes
Dawn of the Dead
The Thing
Halloween II

Horror Spoofs, Good and Bad

Saturday the 14th

The House of Long Shadows

Nightmare Sisters

Repossesed!

April Fool's Day

Slasher Films on VHS
House of Death
Graduation Day
Bloody Birthday
Microwave Massacre
Scared to Death

What the Hell Was That?

Cellar Dweller

Humongous

Mortuary

Dolls

Rubber

 

Animals, Insects, and other Creepy Crawlies
The Uncanny
Bug (1975)
Ratman
The Boogens
Willard 

The New, the Worthwhile

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane

Husk

Pontypool

Altitude

[REC]

Martyrs

 

The Bloodied, 800lb Gorilla in the Room...

 Long time Blogorium readers (in all of its forms) have probably noticed that the Cap'n has been very quiet about something I'm usually hyping like crazy this time of year: Summer Fest. In fact, this week should be the ramp up to Summer Fest 4: Cap'n Howdy vs. Giant Sharktopus, with lots of details about the schedule, where Summer Fest is going to be this year, and the "theme" nights I teased in the spring.

(Newer readers might want to check here for a full history of Summer Fests, coverage of films, and photos of previous horror / comedy marathons)


 The lack of Summer Fest coverage has been the source of some questions, and I'm afraid that the news I have isn't going to ease concerns. Because of work and scheduling issues, Summer Fest 4 isn't happening this weekend. We're going to be missing our 4th of July holiday weekend marathon because I'll be working all of the weekend and can't devote the kind of attention that I'd like to.

 It's a shame, because I'm not exaggerating when I say that I have one of my favorite line-ups ever for this year. What I hope to do is to put off Summer Fest until later into July or August, when things might be a little less crazy. In the meantime, I'll be putting up lists of possible marathons you, the reader, can have at home. If you want to try one out, write up the films you watch, and send them to the Cap'n, I'll be happy to post them as part of Summer Fest coverage.

Stay tuned for some suggestions, and I'll try (on a limited scale) to provide some reviews of horror and horror comedies during the week and over the weekend when possible. I have a stockpile of rare, obscure, and forgotten horror flicks from the 1980s, as well as a handful of titles I've been longing to share on the Blogorium.