Summer Fest Day Three: The Final Film!!!!!

Or, Turkeys Aren't Scary, No Matter What They're Made Of

Guest blogger Neil is here to unveil the FINAL FILM OF Summer Fest. Take it away, sir...


Trying to decide on a closing film for horror fest is serious business, so Nathan and I knew we were in for an experience when all of a sudden Josh says, "alright sit down, we're watching Giant Claw." It's from the 50's, stars no one you've ever heard of, and it's called Giant Claw. Sounds incredi-awesome, right?

Ladies and gentlemen, by my count, I watched 13 movies, and all of them lived up to any preconceived expectations, but this one exceeded my wildest imaginations. For the first half hour, you never see the mysterious, out of focus threat plaguing the skies. (Whether out of suspense of lack of money is anyone's guess.) But nothing, and I mean nothing can prepare you for when it's finally revealed. Not even me spoiling it for you right now and telling you it's a giant antimatter space turkey.

Yes, that's right, an giant antimatter space turkey, who boldly ignores the basic laws of particle physics and declares war on humanity, presumably out of boredom or the need to procreate light years away from whatever galaxy it flew from. (According to the trailer, it's also 17 million years old.)

It also has googly-eyes.

Legend has it, they didn't have the money to hire Ray Harryhausen (of King Kong fame) to do stop motion, so instead the producer hired some Mexican puppeteers to make it. (I can't make this stuff up, people.) Also, all shots of the monster were added after principal photography was finished, so the actors never saw the threat until the premier, after which they all hanged themselves. (Ok, that part is made up.)

And really, what would any "good" 50's-era "horror" film be without a criminal misunderstanding of nuclear theory? Well, this film doesn't disappoint in that regard either. See, the monster is destroyed by a gun that shoots masic atoms. (I'm not really sure how to spell masic because I'm 99.9% sure there has never been such a thing ever.) Whatever these atoms are, they seem to do the trick (reacting much like gunpowder, curiously), and the day is saved. My guess here is that the creators heard the word "antimatter" at a party and thought it sounded vaguely threatening enough to make their villain out of it. Now, I applaud this idea in theory, but the sad fact is that a giant emaciated puppet of a flying turkey with five points of articulation, tops, should never be a first, or even last choice for such a thing. Really, it's hilarious enough to make tomatoes seem pretty damn intimidating.