Summer Fest Day One: Plan 9 from Outer Space (and The Happening. Again)

We're in the midst of Summer Fest, about to start Blood Car and then Teeth. As we've just wrapped up Plan 9 from Outer Space, and a number of people here saw The Happening, it seems only fair to ask someone who didn't to give you a recap on the events of yesterday and today. I give you TOM!!!!

I SEE ALL.
Rather, there is plenty that I have seen, plenty that I will see, a number of things I currently see, like a demon rhubarb phallus, Dick Tracy's divorce decree from Annette Benning, and the remnants of Tor Johnson (nee Johnassonn) encapsulated in a snoglobe of Washington, D.C. However, I will unregrettably never see The Crappening by M Night Shit-on-my-lawn. While I could piecemeal together the entirety of the film from what I have been told, and while I could tell you unequivocally that no amount of pressuring or convincing me that I should see it because it might be the worst thing ever made and I may never have that chance again, I will instead focus on the fact that Horrorfest Bienniale 2008 Independence Bastille Day is indeed happening. Plan 9 From Outer Space, the finest, most prophetic science fiction (no, fact! FACT!) film e'er made has been witnessed, mocked, scorned, mocked again, and enjoyed. I am always astounded by the combination of such a brutal lack of continuity, horrendous dialogue, the cheapest sets for a "financed" film ever, and at least one B-list actor and why an at least less-awful picture was not borne out of such diabolical movie-making misery. Whether it's day or night, figuring out exactly who the characters are, what they do, where they go, or what precisely the premise of the movie is can be a little taxing. We vent our stupid, idiotic human brains by poking fun at it, which is the only way it can be enjoyed or watched without incessantly asking "really? did that really happen? what the bloody duck fuck?"

Which, actually, is a lot like the Happening, which is why I can never see it, personally. I have room enough for only one Worst Movie Ever Made. ONce Plan 9 From Outer Space is wholly obliterated from the museum of human creation, I can safely see The Crappening. The two cannot feasibly or safely coexist in my existence, and to do so would be to unleash antimatter unto my soul, which would, of course, devastate the universe and create a black hole precisely where in the movie house (or Kinohaus) I sit.