Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I'm just a mark for this crap.

editors note: Okay, lesson learned. Apparently when I thought I've posted something from the iPod, it doesn't always mean it has posted. Oops. Well, here's last night's post, a dispatch from out-of-townsville.

Many of you have commented to the Cap'n about his curious habit of purchasing cheesy action movies on Blu Ray. It started as a half-joke, brought about by the availability of movies like Commando and Predator in HD, but has slowly escalated to include the early films of Steven Seagal, Tango & Cash, and yes, Universal Soldier. I've also augmented this with other, more recent, cheese-tacular movies like Death Race and Punisher: War Zone. But then I had to take it just a step further.

Now I seem to own multiple films with wrestlers, and not like Roddy Piper in They Live (which I will totally buy on Blu Ray), but current or very recent WWE Superstars. Earlier tonight I left Cranpire trick me into thinking that by spending ten more dollars for Walking Tall and The Marine was somehow a better deal than just buying Walking Tall.

(To be fair, he was distracting me with a much more worthwhile one-two punch of cheesy action movies: Point Break and Road House, but guess who bought the wrong two-set?)

I should have seen this coming. Maybe it was the fact that I have every movie starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson I want (sorry, Southland Tales and The Game Plan*), or that I didn't hesitate to pick up See No Evil (starring Kane) or The Condemned (starring "Stone Cold" Steve Austin). But really, The Marine? Look, I already have 12 Rounds as a sort-of torture device for Barrett.

Admittedly, I was more interested in 12 Rounds because of the presence of auteur Renny Harlin, he who directed Deep Blue Sea, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Driven, Die Hard 2: Die Harder, Cliffhanger, The Covenant, Exorcist: The Beginning, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, and yes, Cutthroat Island**. That madman can make good ideas and bad bend to his own special brand of retarded, even if they star the charismatic-less John Cena.

On the other hand, now I have a copy of The Marine, a movie I have no intention of ever watching again. Ugh. I'd rather own Under Siege: Dark Territory and Navy Seals than watch The Marine once more.

So what am I missing, niche market? There are enough of you out there who know of something I must not have to fill in the gap. What other gems am I missing starring WWE superstars that you wouldn't watch but it makes sense for me to own? Or am I better off just counting down the days until The Postman hits Blu Ray.

That's right. The Postman. With Kevin Costner. And Tom Petty.

Or would you rather I wait for Over the Top? Oh wait, they come out the same day. Snap!




* Yes, that does mean I do have The Scorpion King, The Rundown, Walking Tall, Doom, and Race to Witch Mountain.
** Which I will NOT own on Blu Ray, no matter how much Barrett tells me I will.

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