While considering Bad Movies (the theme of this week), the Cap'n took some time out to consider my own history with the "lesser" side of cinema. It occurs to me that while I talk about "Bad" films all the time, to the point where I created a "So You Won't Have To" category, I've never collected the Best of the Worst, a "Cream of the Crap" so to speak.
It's a fine line working out what distinguishes movies that are just bad from the kind of bad that keeps your eyes glued to the screen, jaw agape. Lots of movies are fascinating in their crapitude (see The Happening), but it's the rare stinker that merits - nay, demands - repeat viewings. The kind of movie that's so bad it becomes imminently watchable, the stuff of cinemaphile legend.
That being said, I'm going to try to avoid the "big" films. Look, as much as I love Plan 9 from Outer Space, it's not go blow anybody's mind to see it on a list. You all know what Ed Wood has to offer. The Cap'n is about pointing you in new directions, so no Howard the Duck's; no Rocky Horror Picture Show's; no Spice World's. Too easy. Not even The Room, which isn't even something I'd watch again. I'm going to dig a little deeper here for this Five Movies*.
For the sake of keeping it fresh, I'm even going to include the "Best Worst Movie": Troll 2. Just go back to Friday's post if you want to know about that slice of cinematic infamy.
Links to all the original reviews (when possible).
Side note: The reason this took me so long to put up involves finally uploading (and back-dating) every Horror and Summer Fest, which you can find by clicking the Tags.
1. Night of the Lepus - Giant. Killer. Bunnies. It's a HORRIBLE idea, and the movie honestly has no idea whether it wants to be a horror movie or an environmental "warning" movie, so instead it's just goofy. If there was ever a movie begging to be on Mystery Science Theater 3000, it's Night of the Lepus. And that's exactly how you should (and will) watch it. This movie is a staple of Summer and Horror Fests.
2. Death Bed: The Bed That Eats - I really can't stress how weird this movie is. Yes, it's true that the film doesn't make any sense, suffers from massive logic gaffes, and the ending just kinda happens. That being said, the way the Death Bed eats people is hilarious, and the film has a twisted sense of humor (particularly in the flashback montage of all the people the Death Bed ate), and I cannot stress how funny it is to watch the Death Bed eat a bucket of fried chicken and then put the bones back to fool its victim!
3. Shark Attack 3: Megalodon - Better than Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus in almost every conceivable way. It's bad, but quite watchable, and the Megalodon effects are so awful that your jaw will drop. The only thing funnier is the way the film demonstrates Megalodon eating people in the ocean. Oh, and it has the best pick-up line ever.
4. Terrorvision - Terrorvision is by no means a "good" movie. It's cheap, the acting is... uh... well, it has some acting in there somewhere. There's a lot of strange padding, but it's always hilarious (I'm thining of Medusa in particular), and there's something about the low budget that's endearing. The film is never unwatchable; in fact, I can't get enough of the damn thing (ask anyone who comes over here), but I doubt you'd see Terrorvision on any other "Best of" List, so it belongs here.
5. The Giant Claw - I'm sorry. I know Adam feels bad for that stupid googly-eyed turkey puppet, but The Giant Claw is only watchable for two reasons: that bird and the TERRIBLE science. Those two elements, however, get you through the first twenty minutes and keep you guffawing at how cheap the film is for the next fifty five minutes. Trust me, there's a reason I refuse to show pictures of the monster from The Giant Claw, and it's because the surprise is half of the fun in watching this movie.
Dishonorable Mention: Hillbillys in a Haunted House, C.H.U.D., Mac and Me, Terminal Invasion, Chopping Mall, Teenage Mother, Doom, and Shocker.
* Unless, of course, you read this so regularly that you've seen these movies with me. In which case, I can only say "sorry." On the other hand, I also know you'll vouch for these five crap-classics.
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