To Boldly Never Sleep Again!

Ladies and Germs, it's official: Bad Movie Night has added an extra day.

Now the Horrendous Marathon of Horrible Horrors will begin on Friday, April 17th, with a special "field trip" to see Crank: High Voltage. We will then return to the Apartment of Craptacularity to continue watching films I couldn't program in on Saturday.

These films might include (but are not limited to):

The Giant Claw
Punisher: War Zone
Commando
Chopping Mall
Bride of the Monster

and many others! I have a whole extra night to pick and choose the worst of the worst from! Huzzah!!!

Never fear, if you can only make it for Saturday's festivities, you still have

Mac and Me
Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky
Batman & Robin
Troll 2

and many other great surprises!

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I think all of these Star Trek reviews are a ruse to distract us from the free publicity Wolverine was getting. Sure, it's like comparing Apples to Cow Pies but there's not actually a Star Trek movie coming out. Even if it was, the film would technically be an odd-numbered Trek, which automatically means it sucks (go on, defend your beloved Final Frontier. I dare you!)

And to head this off before it shows up, just because Star Trek: Nemesis was a bad even-numbered Trek film doesn't automatically guarantee JJ Abrams gets a good one. The ratio of good even-numbered to bad-odd numbered still outweighs the bad odd-numbered films, even if you hate The Voyage Home.

Of course, all of this is moot because there's no Star Trek movie coming out. Scott Bakula killed that franchise dead, and I liked me some Enterprise.

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Because this likely got swept up in the mess that was last night's Watchmen evisceration review, I do wish Jackie Earle Harley the best of luck as Freddy Krueger. Of all the possible choices, he does make sense and would bring a menace to Freddy that was missing when Englund went all "yukster" with our favorite child-molesting-burn-victim-turned-demonic-teenager-slayer.

I'm not so sold on these "updating the Springwood teens so they reflect the aughts". Making the Johnny Depp equivalent character now have a podcast and do blogs or whatever the hell it is will only unnecessarily date the film. Look, I know A Nightmare on Elm Street came out in the eighties but clothes aside, those characters could exist in pretty much any time period. I honestly can't remember anything that Depp's character did that made him "eighties", so it seems weird to "need" to update any of them.

Then again, you're talking to the person least likely to watch this "reboot". As I did with Friday the 13th, I'll politely sit this one out so Platinum Dunes can make money off of a "name and name alone" remake and pump out sequels. I know it's hard coming from the guy who said he "wouldn't see Watchmen" then did, but to my credit I've steered clear of Platinum Dunes from Amityville onward. I haven't seen The Hitcher or TCM: The Beginning or any of the other movies I can't remember they made, and I don't plan to.

If I'm going to watch a bad horror movie, it better be about towns named Nilbog or have... damn... I can't ruin The Giant Claw for you... you'll just have to wait for next weekend!