Briefly, a little history between the Cap'n and House of 1000 Corpses: I worked as a projectionist for a movie theatre way back when Universal studios was still planning on releasing Mr. Zombie's first film, and as a White Zombie fan, I was pretty excited. He promised "raw" and "unrelenting" horror with a guarantee of "1000 corpses**!," so when the teaser trailer came out, I did pull aside an extra copy for another fan. Then, as many of you might be aware, Universal dropped House of 1000 Corpses, touting that it was "too hardcore" or something to that effect in 2000.
Eventually (circa 2003), Lion's Gate picked up House of 1000 Corpses and released in theatres, and I saw it a few days before my 24th birthday. I hated it. The film was garish, obnoxious, tried too hard to be shocking and "hardcore," and was ultimately a lackluster mish-mash of bad acting, tedious over-editing, and cheap stunt casting. The memory that sticks with me was a passing joke by one of the people I saw it with about Dr. Satan needing to fight "Doctor Jesus," which sent another friend into fits of hysterical laughter.Over the ensuing seven years, I've tried to watch House of 1000 Corpses again, gathering that I must have "missed" something, considering its loyal supporters and advocates. Considering that I really enjoyed The Devil's Rejects (which features the same characters), disliked Halloween, but liked Halloween II, I made concerted efforts to give House of 1000 Corpses another go-round. Without fail, I make it as far as Baby (Sheri Moon-Zombie)'s lip-synch routine before I'm so bored that I hit the "Stop" button. That is, until Sunday night.
So... how is the rest of House of 1000 Corpses? Pretty much exactly the way I remember it: actors who can do better (and clearly did, considering The Devil's Rejects) shouting, mugging, and generally making asses of themselves for 89 minutes. In between, there are long, pointless scenes, intercutting of wholly irrelevant footage from other films or characters unrelated to the story, and lots of acts which one is apparently supposed to find "wrong" or "taboo." Unfortunately, the film has all the subtlety of an anvil to the forehead, so tedium replaces sensory overload in short order.
I suppose I could talk about the cast, which features Rainn Wilson (The Office), Chris Hardwick (Attack of the Show), Erin Daniels (The L Word), Jennifer Jostyn (The Brothers McMullen), Walton Goggins (Predators), and a host of genre veterans: Karen Black, Bill Moseley, Tom Towles, Irwin Keyes, Harrison Young, and Sid Haig. The truth is, that there isn't a single character to take any interest in; not the kids, not the Firefly family (which includes Moseley, Black, Moon-Zombie, Matthew McGrory, Robert Mukes, and Dennis Fimple), or the victims-to-be that populate the rest of the cast.
I could mention the myriad of references to other films (or, in many cases, direct lifts from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, House by the Cemetery, or Spider Baby), or even the fact that all of the members of the Firefly clan borrow their names from Marx Brothers characters was kinda-clever until Zombie made the reference explicit in The Devil's Rejects. I even thought about the crane shot that takes forever (and remains unintentionally hilarious, despite the fact that I can't quite suss out what it's a reference to), but instead I'll point out one telling detail that should give viewers unfamiliar with the film all the information they need.
At one point, Denise Willis (Erin Daniels) uses a phone booth to call her father (Harrison Young), and there are a few "missing" signs littering the inside of the booth. The missing children one isn't really an issue, but the "Missing Cat Head" really sent the Cap'n into fits of giggles. It's so stupid, so incongruous, and so indicative of the pervasive "oh man, that's messed up!" that I could no longer take the film remotely seriously. It reminded me of the one clever visual gag in the film (a box of Agatha Crispies cereal), and nothing else. Had the film been included on one of Zombie's video DVD compilations, this chicanery might be more forgivable, but House of 1000 Corpses was released theatrically and people were expected to pay to see this film alone.
If House of 1000 Corpses was intended only to undermine the sleazy, grindhouse-esque era of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Eaten Alive, I could maybe give the film a pass, but having listened to Zombie's commentary track, it's not. House of 1000 Corpses is meant to be sensory overloading shock, a film that'd Zombie would rather have Universal drop than sacrifice any of his "original vision." On those merits, I contend that the film fails miserably, and worse still, is simply too dull to recommend watching.
Watch The Devil's Rejects, which does actually manage to do what Corpses cannot, or watch Halloween and Halloween II. The first may be an interesting failure and the second a widely reviled sequel (by almost everyone but me), but at least you won't feel like your time was wasted.
* "Trappening," a term coined by Professor Murder, is when someone tricks you into coming over, only to discover they've put on a horrible movie that you have to watch. They considered this totally fair because I've put them (and most of you) through many a "Trappening" before...
** This is debatable, since I still argue most of Dr. Satan's lair is skeletons, and that the hallway that Denise runs down is deliberately suggested to be larger than it is without actually showing said "corpses." Even if there are 1000 corpses, they certainly aren't in the Firefly house.
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