Horror Fest V Day Two: Kingdom of the Spiders

This year's substitute for Night of the Lepus was Kingdom of the Spiders, a 1977 eco-disaster joint (in this case, anti-DDT) that involves the sudden evolution of tarantulas into an "army" with dramatically increased levels of venom. Oh, and then there's William Shatner as veterinarian Rack Hansen, with all the hairpiece wearing, womanizing, disturbingly close to his niece (who wears VERY short skirts for a six year old) shenanigans you'd expect.

Kingdom of the Spiders begins with Spartacus's Woody Strode and Can't Stop the Music's Altovise Davis as ranchers in Arizona who lose a cow under mysterious circumstances. The mysterious circumstances may be tied to that "spider hill" in the backyard, but since Rack Hansen and visiting scientist Diane Ashley (Tiffany Boling) can't figure out that a "spider hill" probably shouldn't exist, they leave the Colby's alone with the tarantulas.

Actually, I'm going to dispense with the plot recap, because that's not what's going to sell you on watching Kingdom of the Spiders, which is alternately hilarious and periodically creepy. If you have issues with arachnophobia, this is not your movie, but for all others, I present the following highlights in list form:

- William Shatner covered in tarantulas on multiple occasions.

- Altovise Davis choosing the most logical way of getting a spider off of her hand: shooting her hand!

- Sheriff Gene Smith not realizing he ought to button his shirt up.

- Shatner's failed womanizing during the first half of the film, both with Diane and the widow of his dead brother. You heard me.

- Spiders in a plane. Spiders in a truck. Spiders on a fuse box. Spiders dropping from a vent.

- Burn that spider hill!

- Rack Hansen's belt buckle that should have an "R" on it, but appears to have a "B" on it (possibly for "belt"?)

- A closing shot / matte painting that fails to convey the apocalyptic ending the creative team intended.

- Oh, and three words: Spider POV Shots.

For most people, all I really have to say is William Shatner vs. Tarantulas. Chances are, if you weren't onboard at that point, nothing's going to draw you to this immensely entertaining, often mean-spirited, and at times uncomfortably pervy slice of 70s cheese.