Four Reasons Part One: Aliens

I'm going to try something new which will pop up sporadically in the Blogorium: the "Four Reasons". Each piece will deal with a particular long standing argument I have about a particular movie, one that I don't frequently discuss but would like to put out there for your consideration.

For the inaugural edition, it seems fitting to begin with one of the earliest versions of a "director's cut" available to home video markets: Aliens.

Four Reasons the Theatrical version of Aliens is superior to the Director's Cut.

Preamble

James Cameron's Aliens, released in 1986, is by now recognized as one of the rare "sequels that equal" the original, in this case Ridley Scott's Alien. When Aliens arrived on laserdisc, film aficionados (and anyone who could afford to rent a laserdisc player) were introduced to Cameron's preferred cut of the film, one that added 17 minutes of footage and reinstated three major subplots into the film.

For some time following the Laserdisc, the Director's Cut was the only version available on VHS and dvd; in fact, until the Alien Quadrilogy, there was no way to see the Theatrical version of Aliens at all. Generally speaking, fans of the series tend to prefer the Director's Cut of Aliens to the Theatrical, citing the depth of reinstated subplots and the restoration of Cameron's original vision.

I, on the other hand, prefer the Theatrical Cut, even if it represents a concession on Cameron's part to Twentieth Century Fox. Sometimes a Director's Cut is an improvement over the conventionally released version, but Aliens is one of the rare examples where I believe the inclusion of seventeen minutes hinder the film rather than improve it.

Allow me to lay out four points where the Theatrical Cut benefits from scenes left out of the Director's Cut:

1. Ripley's Daughter - the revelation that Ripley's daughter is now dead, admitted to be actress Sigourney Weaver's favorite moment in the series, adds a level of depth to her character but is entirely out of place in the pacing of Aliens. Yes, it creates the situation of an echo when she encounters Newt, but in the first half of the film, Ripley's struggle is with adjusting to the events of Alien, not what happened while she was away.

The theatrical version transitions from Ripley's "chest burster" dream to the hearing over her actions in the first film, and the inability to convince beauracracy that her nightmare in space was real. Dramatically speaking, the impetus to put Ripley aboard the Marine ship is linked to her failure to readjust to life on Earth, coupled with her nightmares. If Ripley is to face her fears and return to the planet, the spartan storytelling of the Theatrical Cut is preferrable to the Director's Cut, which adds an emotionally interesting digression that fails to serve the narrative of act one.

2. Newt's Family, The Colony, and the Ship - this addition, above all other changes to the film Aliens, is the most serious misstep on Cameron's part. There is no reason to show us Newt, her family, or more importantly, the colony on Acheron (aka LV-426) before the Marines arrive.

The juxtaposition of Colony before alien infestation and after is not only unnecessary, but it ruins a crucial element of surprise for the audience. Aliens is Ripley's story, and secondarily the Marines; when they arrive on Acheron, they have no idea what to expect. They don't know the layout of the colony or where to begin looking for survivors. By adding this sequence introducing Newt, and more problematically, explaining how the aliens found the colony, the audience is already familiar with the structure of the buildings, where Newt hides, and has an advantage over the protagonists.

What's lost in the Director's Cut is a sense of mystery about the colony, partly because we already know what it looks like, and partly because this cut has explained too much about the aliens. In the Theatrical Version, we experience Acheron with our main characters, and we know as much as they do, which creates a greater sense of unease at each discovery.

The last two points are minor changes in the film, but changes which I feel rob the film of clever moments created by removing the footage:

3. The Sentry Guns - Cut entirely from the Theatrical Cut is any mention of the Smart Guns that Hicks (Michael Biehn) brings into the main building of the colony after the marines barricade themselves in. The inclusion of the Smart Guns is not essential to either cut, but what their removal does is give the Aliens a greater sense of stealth.

It is assumed in the Director's Cut that the aliens will head down the main corridor towards the facility, so two guns which fire automatically at a moving target are placed in front of the welded entrance. The aliens approach, are shot at, and retreat. They later come in through the ceiling, showing adaptability, which is impressive, but consider this possibility:

In the Theatrical Cut, without the Smart Guns, it is implied the aliens always came in through the ceiling, preserving the element of surprise even when the colonists were not expecting them. Instead of taking the direct route and adapting, this suggests the aliens outsmarted their prey from the first moment, sealing the fate of both the colonists and the marines.

The "motion sensor" sequence in the Theatrical Cut is considerably more suspenseful because we don't know where the aliens are coming from or how they could possibly be so close without opening the doors. The addition of Smart Guns adds nothing to the tension of the sequence precisely because it provides a hurdle the aliens could simply avoid in the first place.

4. Hudson's speech in the Drop Ship - One addition I actually like in the Director's Cut is the pep talk that Hudson gives Ripley as the Marines are approaching Acheron, although I admit it is wholly unnecessary.

Hudson's braggadoccio is already well established while the Marines are on the actual space ship, so his speech about how tough Ripley's escorts are is largely redundant, and the "laundry list" of weapons aboard the drop ship is mostly unimportant. By the time Hudson has his collapse in the now famous "Game over" scene, the bravado demonstrated aboard the drop ship has been undercut by Drake, Vasquez, and Hicks.

It's a nice speech, but it doesn't do anything scenes before and after it do with greater skill.


I don't mean to say that James Cameron's preferred cut of Aliens is bad; I simply believe that when choosing between his cut and 20th Century Fox's cut, I am more inclined to take the studio's. I feel it does everything his cut accomplishes in less time and doesn't feel as bloated with extraneous digressions and subplots.

Is this true of all Director's Cuts? No. Are there some Studio mandated versions I prefer? Yes, but it does not mean I defer in one direction or the other.

Watching films is an intensely subjective process, so I expect that some of you might disagree with me, as you have every right to. I welcome a discussion of the relative merits of both cuts of Aliens. You know where I stand, and your insight would be most helpful.

In future installments of Four Reasons, I hope to discuss why I feel Return of the Jedi and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade are the weakest films in the respective series, a frank comparison between the studio cut and Director's "remix" of Donnie Darko, and perhaps even another go at the Steven Soderbergh debate.

Until then, I hope to hear from you.

Summer Fest: Recap

Well folks, sorry I've been a bit slackadasical in getting this post up in a timely manner, but the weekend of sleeplessness finally caught up with me about an hour into work today. Not to say I regret the "from dusk til dawn" aspect of Summer Fest, but as cool as it is to have people willing to watch movies with you from sundown to sunrise, the lack of sleep can be taxing.

Tomorrow night I'll have some pictures up so that you can get a sense of what it was like to be here. For anyone who missed out on the coverage, we watched the following movies from Thursday to Sunday:

The Happening
Plan 9 from Outer Space
Blood Car
Teeth
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon
Dead Heat
C.H.U.D.
Night of the Lepus
Fido
Friday the 13th Part 2
Feast
Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
The Giant Claw

along with sprinkles of The Simpsons Treehouse of Horrors, the Twilight Zone on sci-fi, and Tales from the Crypt. There's, uh, something else, but even if I could identify it by name, I won't. Somehow it seems very appropriate that we ended up watching thirteen feature films during Horror Fest.

Not to be disrespectful of a guest blogger in any way but I do feel I need to correct Neil's post just a smidge: Ray Harryhausen didn't actually work on King Kong in any capacity. Willis O'Brien was chief stop motion for Kong, although Harryhausen's no slouch. He's just not of King Kong fame; more like 20 Million Miles to Earth or Earth vs the Flying Saucers or Jason and the Argonauts fame.

But speaking of guest bloggers, I'd like to thank all who attended Horror Fest and spread the word, and a special thanks to Neil and the Cranpire who were present for every single movie of the fest proper (if not always awake). Kudos also go to those brave souls that paid good money to see The Happening. At least you know what the rest of the world doesn't. Yeah, that's the ticket.

There's no picture for it, so I'd just like to thank the twenty or so people who crammed into my "not large enough for all of you" living room for Night of the Lepus. That was incredicool and everyone chimed in on the myriad of logistical problems, bizarre plot points, or instances of DeForrest Kelley being pedophillic. Truly a sight to behold, which is why I didn't take a photo.

After tomorrow I guess you won't have to read about Horror Fest again until October. This breaks your dried up little hearts, I'm sure. Somehow we'll push on together, dear reader. Somehow...

Summer Fest Day Three: The Final Film!!!!!

Or, Turkeys Aren't Scary, No Matter What They're Made Of

Guest blogger Neil is here to unveil the FINAL FILM OF Summer Fest. Take it away, sir...


Trying to decide on a closing film for horror fest is serious business, so Nathan and I knew we were in for an experience when all of a sudden Josh says, "alright sit down, we're watching Giant Claw." It's from the 50's, stars no one you've ever heard of, and it's called Giant Claw. Sounds incredi-awesome, right?

Ladies and gentlemen, by my count, I watched 13 movies, and all of them lived up to any preconceived expectations, but this one exceeded my wildest imaginations. For the first half hour, you never see the mysterious, out of focus threat plaguing the skies. (Whether out of suspense of lack of money is anyone's guess.) But nothing, and I mean nothing can prepare you for when it's finally revealed. Not even me spoiling it for you right now and telling you it's a giant antimatter space turkey.

Yes, that's right, an giant antimatter space turkey, who boldly ignores the basic laws of particle physics and declares war on humanity, presumably out of boredom or the need to procreate light years away from whatever galaxy it flew from. (According to the trailer, it's also 17 million years old.)

It also has googly-eyes.

Legend has it, they didn't have the money to hire Ray Harryhausen (of King Kong fame) to do stop motion, so instead the producer hired some Mexican puppeteers to make it. (I can't make this stuff up, people.) Also, all shots of the monster were added after principal photography was finished, so the actors never saw the threat until the premier, after which they all hanged themselves. (Ok, that part is made up.)

And really, what would any "good" 50's-era "horror" film be without a criminal misunderstanding of nuclear theory? Well, this film doesn't disappoint in that regard either. See, the monster is destroyed by a gun that shoots masic atoms. (I'm not really sure how to spell masic because I'm 99.9% sure there has never been such a thing ever.) Whatever these atoms are, they seem to do the trick (reacting much like gunpowder, curiously), and the day is saved. My guess here is that the creators heard the word "antimatter" at a party and thought it sounded vaguely threatening enough to make their villain out of it. Now, I applaud this idea in theory, but the sad fact is that a giant emaciated puppet of a flying turkey with five points of articulation, tops, should never be a first, or even last choice for such a thing. Really, it's hilarious enough to make tomatoes seem pretty damn intimidating.

Summer Fest Day Three: Why Neil Needs a Blood Car!

We started earlier today for Horror Fest, but were still held up when Neil's car decided to slit its own radiator hose in a desperate cry for help. As a result, no amount of duct tape, electrical tape, nor Cranpire's blood could soothe its pain, and Neil is trapped in Greensboro... FOREVER!!!!!

Since he wasn't going anywhere, we watched The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror VI, which boasts Attack of the 50ft Eyesores, A Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace, and Homer3, the legendary computer animated episode. Then the Tales from the Crypt episode with Morton Downey Jr. about the haunted house. Classy.

Since classy was our M.O., we watched Feast, the total assault on decency and good taste disguised as a horror movie. Imagine all of the sensible characters are removed from a horror movie, leaving only the idiots who usually get picked off to figure out what to do for 90 minutes, and you have some idea of the plot of Feast, if you can call it that.

After that, we simply had to watch Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, which seems suspiciously like a Meet the Spartans for the 1970's, although possibly better. (I couldn't say for sure, having not watched Meet the Spartans) It does have some of the worst musical numbers ever and a plot that just barely makes sense. Super classy.

Now I need to determine if I have enough energy left after two all-nighters to watch another movie, or if I should simply kill Neil and sleep inside of his gutted carcass... decisions, decisions.

Summer Fest Day Two: End of night Recap

We really did talk about more guest blogging, I promise. Once again it's actually 6:15 in the morning and the sun is coming up.

Tonight we had the highest turnout in Summer Fest history and were left with "standing room only" for the second Prime Time Movie. Saturday night's Summer Fest flicks were:

Dead Heat - reviewed by Tominator earlier, despite his not being here or ever having seen it. It's the kind of movie that takes the premise of Dead & Buried and marries it with Lethal Weapon. Except with Joe Piscopo and Treat Williams, and guest appearances by Darren McGavin, Robert Picardo, and Vincent Price. I can't make this shit up. It's silly except for any joke made by Piscopo, who seemed on the verge of saying "knock knock" almost all the time.

The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror VIII - with The Homega Man, the "fly" segment, and Easy Bake Coven. It seemed fitting to include Treehouse of Horror, as they've played during every Horror Fest to date. This was particularly amusing because it ran simultaneously with Cranpire playing Grand Theft Auto 3 on the other tv and pretty much just destroying cars over and over again in police chases.


C.H.U.D. - someone actually was scared by a C.H.U.D. in this movie, which may be the first time in recorded history that's happened. If I have to say more, then you clearly need to dust off your copy and watch it again. The film became the target of our running gag involving Daniel Stern's inability to do anything useful at all during the story, mostly because someone would ask him to "prove it". I guess you had to be here.

Night of the Lepus - we simply did not have enough room for everybody during Lepus, but damned if it wasn't a blast and a half. Imagine, if you will, six sets of MST3K bots riffing nonstop on this "nature and science gone amok" monstrosity, with every possible rabbit joke or reference appearing, as well as the ability to build sets that look exactly like Lionel Train miniatures. Possibly as much fun as seeing The Happening on Thursday.

Fido - This strange slice of Romero meets Lassie was pretty popular with the folks who stuck around after Night of the Lepus. Not quite as campy as the films that preceded it, but definitely a good choice to follow killer rabbits.

Friday the 13th Part 2 - We started this around 4:45, after pretty much everyone left in some state of exhaustion. It was agreed that to stay up a film with "shock" scares or crazy action had to follow Fido, and it was between Friday the 13th part 2 and Tales from the Crypt Presents Demon Knight. We chose wisely, although sleep deprivation takes its toll even when you're trying hard to focus on bag-headed Jason and Amy Steel.

At this point, I need to pass out. The sun is on its way up and there's still one day left of Horror Fest. We've got a lot of ground left to cover, so hope to see you on the other side...

Summer Fest Day Two: Dead Heat!!!!!

Dead Heat stars Joe Piscopo and Treat Williams. For all the other important information, we turn to Special Guest Blogger Tominator:

Dead Heat stars Joe Piscopo and Treat Williams, co-starring Vincent Price. It is 84 minutes long in total running time, was released, I think, in 1987, and, from the look of the DVD cover, Joe Piscopo swallowed a number of steroid-filled balloons coated with sriracha hot sauce. Apparently, one of them dies and they come back to life to find their own killer. Killarity I mean hilarity ensues and possibly ensnares people in a web of bored chuckling. At some point in the future, the movie ends, with a twist of some sort, and/or a reasonable, sound conclusion wherein the protagonist has found a modicum of closure. It is assumable that there are a few loopholes left open for a sequel which did not happen praise be to the will of Allah. All is well, the credits roll, and the DVD is replaced in its receptacle. Amen. Basmati. Cavalier. Srebenica. Codswallop. Manure. Ma. Nure. Great on their own.

We now watch CHUD. Yay!

Summer Fest Day One: Wrap Up featuring Teeth and Shark Attack 3: Megalodon!

Sorry, no Tominator again until at least tomorrow night. Despite what the Myspace clock says, it's very much a quarter to six here at the Apartment of Spooky Doom. Neil and Cranpire are passed out in the living room and I am off to sleep shortly.

Before I go, I do need to say a thing or two about the last half of our late night Quadruple Bill (consisting of Plan 9 from Outer Space, Blood Car, Teeth, and Shark Attack 3: Megalodon). Pretty much everyone stayed through Teeth, and Neil and I stuck it out for Megalodon, with occasional waking up from the Cranpire.

Teeth is pretty good, although it's not really a horror movie in any way. In my own sick way of seeing things, it's a Superhero origin story told in a comedic fashion, albeit one with social commentary that makes Blood Car seem subtle. There's plenty to enjoy in the film and every possible joke about someone with teeth in her lady business was made, so it's a definite check it out. Unless of course you have a serious aversion to seeing the end product of castration, however amusing it is.

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon was one of the two "surprise" movies of the fest, even more of a surprise to us since it stars John Barrowman (Captain Jack Harkness of Doctor Who and Torchwood fame) many years before he became an immortal omnisexual Time Agent. The movie has some howler moments, but it really kicks into high gear in the third act when the shark attacks become MEGA-sized, and then it goes into truly amazing mode. It's not just the sleep deprivation talking either; check out Final Girl's write up. All of it is true, especially the most direct pick up line you're likely to hear outside of porn.

We'll be back tomorrow when it's time to watch Uncle Sam, The Orphanage, C.H.U.D., Night of the Lepus, Frogs, Fido, Black Sheep, Feast, Night of the Living Dead, and the other "surprise" movie. See you then...

Summer Fest Day One: Blood Car

Tarantulas...from vending machines

Tominator here.

What can I say? Blood Car. Or Blood Lawnmower. Or Blood Truck. Or Blood Barbecue Grill. Unless you're a charcoal man.

A fine, ribald, grotesque cautionary tale at once for both car-lovers, petroleum aficionados, and sexpot kindergarten teachers, Blood Car delivers by the gallon a number of laughs, splatter, and animal cruelty (not to be confused with either humor or unhumor) and is a fine paradoxical look at the American dependence upon the automobile, oil, and gender bifurcation. While the level of gratuitous blood rivals Feast, the social commentary is much more intact, and over the course of a brief 74 minutes or so we watch a happy bicycle-riding vegan turn into a meat-eating homicidal government pigeon taking a failed veggie-powered Honda and turning it into a growling, bloodthirsty fuckmobile. Finally he relents and gives his secret, that which he believed to be saving man, not destroying it, to the very people who have, assumably, been perpetuating the 36-dollar-per-gallon gas prices.

Entertaining, plenty bloody, awfully hilarious in places, but at places seemed too much like a Troma film. And as a kitten-loving vegetarian, I was alarmed at how loudly I was laughing at the slaughter of a disabled, triple-amputee vet for his luscious sanguinity.

Or maybe I've said too much.

Tominator out.

Summer Fest Day One: Plan 9 from Outer Space (and The Happening. Again)

We're in the midst of Summer Fest, about to start Blood Car and then Teeth. As we've just wrapped up Plan 9 from Outer Space, and a number of people here saw The Happening, it seems only fair to ask someone who didn't to give you a recap on the events of yesterday and today. I give you TOM!!!!

I SEE ALL.
Rather, there is plenty that I have seen, plenty that I will see, a number of things I currently see, like a demon rhubarb phallus, Dick Tracy's divorce decree from Annette Benning, and the remnants of Tor Johnson (nee Johnassonn) encapsulated in a snoglobe of Washington, D.C. However, I will unregrettably never see The Crappening by M Night Shit-on-my-lawn. While I could piecemeal together the entirety of the film from what I have been told, and while I could tell you unequivocally that no amount of pressuring or convincing me that I should see it because it might be the worst thing ever made and I may never have that chance again, I will instead focus on the fact that Horrorfest Bienniale 2008 Independence Bastille Day is indeed happening. Plan 9 From Outer Space, the finest, most prophetic science fiction (no, fact! FACT!) film e'er made has been witnessed, mocked, scorned, mocked again, and enjoyed. I am always astounded by the combination of such a brutal lack of continuity, horrendous dialogue, the cheapest sets for a "financed" film ever, and at least one B-list actor and why an at least less-awful picture was not borne out of such diabolical movie-making misery. Whether it's day or night, figuring out exactly who the characters are, what they do, where they go, or what precisely the premise of the movie is can be a little taxing. We vent our stupid, idiotic human brains by poking fun at it, which is the only way it can be enjoyed or watched without incessantly asking "really? did that really happen? what the bloody duck fuck?"

Which, actually, is a lot like the Happening, which is why I can never see it, personally. I have room enough for only one Worst Movie Ever Made. ONce Plan 9 From Outer Space is wholly obliterated from the museum of human creation, I can safely see The Crappening. The two cannot feasibly or safely coexist in my existence, and to do so would be to unleash antimatter unto my soul, which would, of course, devastate the universe and create a black hole precisely where in the movie house (or Kinohaus) I sit.

Blogorium Review: Rambo

A fair warning: I like Rocky Balboa. I like First Blood, and as cartoony as it becomes, I still enjoy Rambo: First Blood Part II. I can't defend Rambo III, but the good news is that I don't have to. Stallone's Rambo isn't trying to be Part II or III. Just like Rocky Balboa is a direct sequel to Rocky, so too is Rambo to First Blood.

Which is not to say that it's a lot like First Blood. One of the things you need to know is that Stallone carries the mentality of John Rambo from the first film into 2008's Rambo. The other thing you might want to know is that Rambo is not akin to Rocky Balboa in any way: the way each film handles the journey of their title characters is totally different. Rocky Balboa is about hope, and Rambo is not.

The violence in Rambo isn't as cartoony as it gets in the sequels, but there's enough gore and grue to make people coming just for that happy. At the same time, this isn't so much "AWESOME!" violence as it is "Oh Jesus!" violence. Until about halfway into the movie, any scene of violence is there to disturb you. The first time Rambo kills anyone, it's over so quickly you don't see much of anything.

When things get unhinged towards the end, the gore takes it up to 11 in no time at all. Heads get blown off, people's arms and legs are ripped apart by explosions, people are burned and mutilated, and yes, some guy gets his throat ripped out. Slowly. Maybe it was just me, but even when Rambo kills the "big" bad guy, it wasn't a "hell yeah!" moment so much as a "geez!" scene. That must've been what Stallone was going for, because all of the "rah rah" kills are visceral and disgusting. They happen quickly, and when it's over you don't want to linger.

Sylvester Stallone also avoids easy comparisons to Rocky by making John Rambo not just emotionally different, but physically too. Rocky was an over the hill boxer, but he had enough definition to be clear that he was once a fighter. He still has the sense of being chiseled. I can't remember who said it, but Rambo doesn't look like the chiseled stud of Part II or III. Instead, this dude looks like he was cut from a tree with an axe. John Rambo looks like a hulking nightmare hiding out in the jungle, a mass of muscule waiting to spring to action.

I liked Rambo: it's not really on long enough to overstay its welcome (without credits, it's a lean 80 minutes), and it doesn't dwell on Rambo's "down on life" outlook in any way that gets annoying. It's an effective, if exceptionally bleak action movie for most of the runtime, with a strange ending that wants to bookend with the beginning of First Blood. I don't know how I feel about that just yet, but I can safely say that Rambo is as good as Rocky Balboa, if for different reasons.

Blogorium Review: Youth Without Youth

I was sort of surprised to hear that Coppola was making another movie after all this time. He hasn't actually directed anything since The Rainmaker, but most of us really remember Bram Stoker's Dracula, a movie that sharply divides his fans (for the record, I think it plays fast and loose with the novel, but I dig it), so to come back fifteen years later was a giant question mark for a lot of people. Would this be the triumphant return of the director of Apocalypse Now, The Godfather, and The Conversation? Or were we going to see another Jack*, or worse, The Godfather Part III**.

So how is Youth Without Youth? I liked it, although I'm having a hard time boiling it down into ways of explaining why. Part of it has to do with the story, which is based on a novel by Mircea Eliade. I'm not an expert on Eliade, but I do know a bit about his theories on religion and the "sacred and the profane". That just barely prepares you for Youth Without Youth.

There are a whole lot of narrative and philosophical threads bouncing around in the film, which is on the surface about a seventy year old man being struck by lightning, which restores his youth. It also gives him certain supernatural powers, and fractures his identity, creating a "double". What's interesting is unlike most films that deal with doubles or people who have super powers, Youth Without Youth isn't all that interested in dwelling on them. The double, so often a device for nefarious purposes, is here more to act as a greek chorus for Dominic Matei (Tim Roth) as he makes sense of his mutation.

Youth Without Youth begins as a sort of World War Two thriller; when the Nazis discover Matei, the first third of the film is sort of a tense chase film. Then it shifts abruptly from the 1940s to 1955, when Matei meets a kindred spirit in a woman who lives through a similar lightning strike. Instead of exhibiting powers, she goes into hypnotic states, channeling increasingly archaic people and languages. She also seems to be a manifestation of the woman Matei lost as a young man, although the film is preoccupied enough that you might forget that.

I'm going to stop trying to recap the movie, because this already sounds contrived, and Youth Without Youth isn't nearly as cut and dried as this. Coppola plays with our perception of what is dream, what is fact, and where we are chronologically in the movie. He's also still got an amazing eye for composition and for creating images that are breathtaking. I haven't seen a movie that used such deep blues since Soderbergh's The Underneath, and this is a much better movie than Underneath.

Ultimately, I think this is a promising first step for Coppola, and I sense Youth Without Youth is more rewarding with multiple viewings. It's not that I didn't enjoy it the first time, but being able to watch it again and not focus so hard on soaking everything in should be advantageous. Watch it, but understand that parts of it require paying more attention than the average viewer is interested in doing.


* If you don't remember Jack (and I don't blame you), that'd be the movie about Robin Williams playing a child who ages rapidly and is entering the fifth grade. For a dramedy, it's neither funny nor touching.

** For the record, while I can't honestly argue with any criticism directed at Godfather III, I do kind of admire Coppola's attempt to push the saga of the Corleone family into Shakespearean territory.

Blogorium Review: Diary of the Dead

Is this really the fifth "Dead" movie? With so many remakes and imitators out there, it's hard to believe that, and honestly I thought it was the fourth. For some reason I kept forgetting Land of the Dead, even though I liked the direction Romero was heading in that film. Still, I can't blame him for walking away from studio interference and making his newest "dead" film on the cheap. Night, Dawn, and Day were all financed independently, and they do have a gritty quality that no budget increase can replicate. So instead of continuing the saga of the world in post-infestation, Romero goes back to the beginning for Diary of the Dead. But does it work? Has the man who really put social commentary by way of flesh eating undead lost it, or is Diary of the Dead an on the money critique of the 24 Hour News Media Generation?

Well, there's two things going on here in Diary of the Dead: 1) Romero is playing around with the "found footage" world of Cloverfield and The Blair Witch Project, and 2) he's tapping into the YouTube generation in order to make his commentary relevant. Only one of these is really successful.

Look, I've heard both sides of the argument about Diary of the Dead. I understand that the movies since Night have been not so subtle comments on society, but George never made it so transparent as he does in Diary. Having a narrator holding our hand when we can figure it out for ourselves is just embarrassing. The character of Debra makes such a radical shift halfway through the film that it makes her tactless narration even cheaper on the second go-through. I get what Romero is trying to say, but he's never done it this badly.

It doesn't help that the main characters are at best paper thin. The film students (and their professor) that comprise the main cast are so poorly sketched out that I had a really hard time caring when *spoiler* they started dying. We just don't get any time with them that doesn't feel perfunctory or cliched. Worse still, Diary of the Dead DOES introduce some really interesting characters (the Amish farmer, the guys in the warehouse) that seem to have logical and organic reactions to the "dead" outbreak. Instead of spending more time with them, however, they're brushed aside so we can get more hollow explanations of why anyone would just stand there and film while their friend is bleeding to death. If that wasn't enough, the marginally interesting students get shoehorned with truly awful dialogue.

Take, for example, this awkward dialogue from two thirds of the way in:

"It used to be us versus us."
"Yeah."
"But now it's us versus them."
Narration: "Jason was right, except that them was now us."

Come on. Romero goes all the way around himself to say the same stupid thing that Barbra says in the Night of the Living Dead remake. For one thing, you could've reversed what he said and did without the omniscient narration, but that's just one example of how poorly the subtext is handled.

On the other hand, Diary of the Dead is proof that Romero can use the by now overused "handheld camera" format to generate suspense. There's some genuine tension in Diary, particularly in the barn sequence, the warehouse, and the mansion at the end (not so much the hospital, which is just awkward). When he can keep the characters from overexplaining the totally unnecessary things they do and the really terrible cg gore doesn't get in the way, Diary of the Dead can at least remind you why George Romero is the master of the zombie film.

I can't give this movie a pass, however; it's just too boneheaded in making wafer thin characters do things no one would ever do, and the subtext is about as subtle as watching Fox News. I really don't understand why Diary of the Dead insists on undermining the "internet free press" position it takes by equating that very position with "noise", but a lot of things just don't make sense about this movie as a whole.

Horror Fest Wrap Up

The Official Horror Fest of 2007 is now over, although I might try to sneak in movies that didn't make it over the next few days, homework permitting.

The fest itself was a hell of a lot of fun, and went into the wee hours of the morning Friday and Saturday (as those of you reading the posts probably noticed). There was some Haunted House activity and some dueling parties on Saturday, but mostly we watched a lot of horror, and a lot of different kinds of horror.

Highlights included Black Sheep (perhaps the biggest hit of the fest), Night of the Lepus (for its many MST3K inducing moments), The Descent (which earned the first "jump" scare), Planet Terror (which did exactly what it was supposed to do in theatres last April), From Beyond (because I hadn't seen it before) and yes, "Move Your Dead Bones" by Doctor Re-Animator, which became the unofficial anthem of Horror Fest 07.

Horror Fest Day Three: Night of the Living Dead 3-D

Night of the Living Dead 3-D is a skid mark in the underwear of cinema, the kind of crap you instantly regret turning on and yet can't seem to turn off (I had a good excuse though; my universal remote went kaput ten minutes in).

You know that you're in for trouble when there's a disclaimer on the back insisting that "this is a re-imagining of the 1968 Public Domain movie and has nothing to do with George A. Romero", but that only scratches the craptasity.

Let's look at a couple of changes: first off, Barbara insists on being called "Barb". Ben is now some white teenager that sells weed and everyone in the farmhouse is stoned out of their gourd. No, really. And you won't believe how it is that the zombies come to be in this version (plus, I'm not going to tell you. you're going to have to watch it yourself. ha ha!). Gone is any of the dread, replaced by some stupid "dark" character moments and really bad dialogue.

Behold, some choice lines:

"Maybe we're being Punk'd."

"There's some fucking crazy fucking stuff going on here."

"Shit, that's heavy."

"No man, I don't allow cell phones, man. That's how they track you!"

COMING 4 U BARB (that's the text message Barb receives from Johnny after fleeing the graveyard. seriously.)

Note to the makers of Night of the Living Dead 3-D: It's a really bad idea to feature the original Night of the Living Dead in your film as prominently as you do in the first half. It just reminds us how shitty your movie is.

Two nice things about NOTLD3D:

1. It's really short. Like, 75 minutes short with long credits on either side.

2. The 3-D does look really good, and not just in the gimmicky scenes. I'll give credit that for a 3-D film, it's shot very well using the format.

Otherwise, this little turd sandwich can fester away with the bastardized "special edition" that came out nine years ago (the one that introduced two new subplots with characters that never existed before and a cheezy synth score) in the bargain bin for all of eternity.

So endeth the official Horror Fest of 2007

Horror Fest Day Three: Haeckel’s Tale

While I'm waiting for the others to arrive for 3-D Nite, I thought I'd watch the last Masters of Horror episode I hadn't seen, Haeckel's Tale*.

Based on a Clive Barker story and directed by John McNaughton (maker of Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, and who replaced George Romero at the last moment due to scheduling conflicts) Haeckel's Tale is a twist of Tales from the Crypt style storytelling, complete with science gone awry, necromancy, and trademark Barker love between the living and the dead.

To say much more would rob any surprise for you, but I'm quite pleased to say that this is one of the better Masters of Horror, something I was not expecting to bed honest. Much of the first season leaves something to be desired, and I'd held off on this one because it didn't seem like Haeckel's Tale would be too promising.

Freddy's Dead is still waiting, along with thirteen pairs of glasses for anyone willing to slip into them...


* There's still one I haven't seen, but I also probably won't see it, and that's Imprint.