As we were waiting for more attendees to arrive, the Cap'n and company popped in Alien Apocalypse, a Sci Fi Channel Original Picture starring Bruce Campbell. If you've heard of it that's probably because Bruce shot the film back-to-back with The Man with the Screaming Brain in Romania and it uses most of the same crew (and some actors). Otherwise, I can't imagine too many folks having seen this, erm, gem.
I will say this: Alien Apocalypse is better than The Man with the Screaming Brain, but so is Terminal Invasion, and all of them are likely better than My Name is Bruce. I enjoy all of them in different ways, with Terminal Invasion being the favorite. However, Alien Apocalypse really delivers on the cheapness-to-scope of story ratio, so it's better suited for the Fest.
The movie is equal parts Planet of the Apes, Army of Darkness, and The Postman, and it lives up to all the strange ways you'd imagine a hybrid like that to appear. Bruce stars as Ivan somethingorother, an astronaut (and doctor) whose crew returns to find Earth in a post-apocalyptic state and Portland, Oregon ruled by giant space Termites*. Campbell and Renee O'Connor (Gabrielle from Xena: Warrior Princess) are the only survivors and something dumb happens where they work in a sawmill helping cut wood for no apparent reason.
You would assumed they cut the wood for the Termites, but those nefarious alien bastards only eat human heads and fingers. The Termites themselves are a mix of cheap looking puppets and cheaper looking cgi effects. Then again, everything is cheap in this film, from the dubbing of Romanian cast members to the patently fake beards and wigs various human "slaves" are wearing. Even the gloves they wear look like they came from Lowes or the Dollar Store gardening section.
Anyway, so you've figured out the Planet of the Apes part, so I'll clue you in on the AOD and Postman ripoff parts: Bruce trains the townspeople he meets and other freed slaves how to fight back against the termites, which is where the Army of Darkness part comes in, down to an automated arrow shooting car-thing. The Postman comes in because as the Bruce wanders post-Apocalyptic Oregon, he tries to find the President, who is hiding out somewhere. The catch is that his heroic tales begin to replace those about the President and the Doctor (as he is known by the end of the movie) becomes a new folk hero for these Oregonians. I know most of you never saw The Postman but that's basically what happens too, just with Tom Petty playing a futuristic version of himself.
The film is pretty cheesy and mostly not-bloody, although they make up for it near the end. After a largely bloodless arrow battle with exploding woodpiles, Bruce and Renee go nuts with some swords and cut the crap out of four or five termite puppets. They show the same termite decapitation clip like three times, but the green blood is kind of fun and it's a little silly. Overall, Alien Apocalypse is nothing out of the ordinary for Sci-Fi Channel Originals, but when you're dealing with Bruce it raises the bar a smidge.
Then we watched the Doctor Re-Animator video. Well, we watch it between almost every movie.
* Actually, I guess it could be Earth Termites, but it makes more sense if they're from space.
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